You must be swift as a coursing river.....

Mulan = Dylan. Captain Li Shang = Andi.

This season on The Bachelorette, there are some boys and there are some men (and then there are some men that like boys... but most of those have already made their exit). If you have been watching even highlights of this season, you would have picked up by now that Andi is all about the MAN. In fact, if she has to bust out into Mulan's "Be A Man" at any point in this journey, consider yourself kicked to the curb. But what is the true key to "being a man" in Andi's book? Let's break it down while we recap last night's episode of this thrilling adventure. 

How to: Be a Man

1. Wear a neck scarf, and never take it off. Even when inside. Even when having heated conversations. Neck scarfs = manhood. 

2. Drink a lot of red wine and then proceed to have confrontational conversations - alcohol induced projection of one's rejection is critical.

Let the scarf do the work for you.

3. Answer all of Andi's probing questions with an elaborate and vulnerable answer. Bleed your love, or face the fussy-faced attorney.

4. Kiss attacks are a must. Any time. Any place. Any where (except for on sacred ground where religious morality (sexual tension) takes precedence over make-out sessions.

5. Even though you look like a super model, if you don't talk, kiss attack, or have a personality (read: Dylan) you are not cutting it.

Resting pout face = true love.

6. Say things that evoke a pouty frown face. The more Andi pouts, the more her love for your manliness is growing.

7. Be ruthless, sneaky and seductive, even if that means being hated by everyone else around you.

8. Be the kind of parent who babies his little boy into being sneaky and ruthless like you, and over-protects his little girl so that she is insecure and defensive like mommy.

9. Wear a beaded bracelet that dances on your wrist while you swirl your wine glass (read: Marcus).

10. Cry to the camera about how deep your love for Andi runs (this was actually a believable moment, Nick - way to have a moment of authenticity).

Dear Andi: Will you be my Bert?

BONUS: Look like Ernie from Sesame Street.

In a nutshell:
We are in Brussels, Belgium (which makes me want sprouts and a waffle, stat)

Marcus and Andi have the first one-on-one. Marcus is A MAN.

Josh and Andi have the second one-on-one - Josh is his normal, smouldering, douchey self and finally breaks down to confess he is falling for Andi. Naturally this validation makes her light up like a small puppy who just found something substantial to rub up against.

Nick sneaks out and stages a pathetic scene with the hotel lobby to find out Andi's room number (ps - now we know this resort is a prime location for stalkers to prey). She is super surprised to see him and only feels guilty for an itsy bitsy minute. They have a passion that speaks novels.

The group date is at a monastery - everyone dumps their heart out to Andi, including Chris who even took it upon himself to recreate the epic scene from Ghost in a pottery barn - but Nick gets the rose, as he expected. Panic ensues. Drunken red wine cat fights emerge back at the hotel among the guys.

The guys continue to fight lips and dingdong for Andi's affection. But ultimately Dylan and Brian do not make the cut, and are sent home.