A New Day Has Come

WOOOOOO!

We need to take a minute to get caught up. I am fully aware I have left you all high and dry with zero closure on The Bachelorette, and only Facebook glimpses of jazz hands, feathers, by lines and airport rendezvous that may allude to why... but I feel like I owe you a decent explanation.

First and foremost, as many of you know, Erik came home two months early from his deployment in Afghanistan. This is an absolute blessing and answered prayer, and having him home safely is the best gift I've ever received (sorry mom, that Nintendo 64 for Christmas in '96 has now been trumped). I want to take this opportunity to thank mine and Erik's amazing parents, my sister who was my rock, and my incredibly patient, supportive and hilarious friends and BOHAN family. Let's also throw in the random people in the grocery store or on the side of the street I may have word-vomited to in passing... you guys rock too. We both could not have gotten through the deployment as smoothly and strongly without you all rooting us on. It has meant the world.

Yep. This happened.

The time apart, while grueling in many ways, was a rare opportunity for me to keep busy with things I have always wanted to do but simply did not pursue for a variety of reasons. I reprised my role as a Bird Girl in a community theater production of Seussical the Musical which was an exhausting yet wonderful experience. I also took on a freelance writing position for 12th and Broad, which has been a dream come true in many ways. Tapping back into this creative part of who I am has been a great lesson in the importance of doing what you love, regardless of the paycheck associated with it (no, I was not paid to shake my tail feather - they got that magic FOR FREE). I think this deployment served my soul as much as it has served the strength of our relationship, and for that, I see the many blessings that at times felt very much in disguise.

I'm famous! Kind of...  not really.

Now to the part of this post you clicked in to read - ANDI, ANDI, ANDI..... hiyaya... woah. Sorry - wrong season.... but seriously what a ride this chick put us on. The moral of the story is that Andi is bat shit cray. When not resuscitating Josh with her lips, she was constantly complaining, whining and fussing about her fears and concerns, and later oozing with adoration and "feelings never felt before" about her time with Nick (to my confusion because I found him utterly boring). She completely flipped a 180 at the final hour, which was shocking.

I felt very bad for Nick - I would have been completely blind-sided after the way she acted. At the same time, it was very uncool of him to call her out for sleeping with him during the show.... low blow.... I was expecting Josh to come out with his furrowed Ernie brow in a rage and for once this show would have delivered on being the most dramatic finale ever (Jerry! Jerry!). But no dice, everyone stayed composed, including Andi (shockingly) and I think it's time for Nick to move on. Maybe he should audition for community theater.

Well this looks like we're having fun....

Anyways, I was not a fan of either guy, but of the two, I think Josh was the better fit. They are in la la land right now, but their fiery personalities will likely make for some conflict down the road - not so sure these two will last. I think the decision came down to convenience - they are both from Atlanta, he is completely infatuated with her despite being a big (semi-douchey) jock, and in turn, her high school fantasy came true. Hopefully Andi will be bumping under an ultra-sound machine on national TV in no time.... um.. WHAT?! Let's never do that again ABC... that crossed some lines.

I am sorry I bailed out on the weekly recaps, but given everything else, there was just not enough time in the day to talk about Andi, all the frowns, all the scarves, and all the drama.

You just totally get me.

And with this post (and with paying off my many credit cards from eating and shopping my feelings the past four months), I am happily ringing in a new chapter with a deep appreciation for enjoying the present, appreciating the gifts (big and small) of each day, and not taking for granted the people in your life that you love.

To quote the epic and forever worshiped Celine Dion, I am no longer "all by myself" because "a new day has come" due to "the power of love" and "because you loved me" and supported me and were wonderful, and "that's the way it is" and I am FREAKIN PUMPED ABOUT IT.

You must be swift as a coursing river.....

Mulan = Dylan. Captain Li Shang = Andi.

This season on The Bachelorette, there are some boys and there are some men (and then there are some men that like boys... but most of those have already made their exit). If you have been watching even highlights of this season, you would have picked up by now that Andi is all about the MAN. In fact, if she has to bust out into Mulan's "Be A Man" at any point in this journey, consider yourself kicked to the curb. But what is the true key to "being a man" in Andi's book? Let's break it down while we recap last night's episode of this thrilling adventure. 

How to: Be a Man

1. Wear a neck scarf, and never take it off. Even when inside. Even when having heated conversations. Neck scarfs = manhood. 

2. Drink a lot of red wine and then proceed to have confrontational conversations - alcohol induced projection of one's rejection is critical.

Let the scarf do the work for you.

3. Answer all of Andi's probing questions with an elaborate and vulnerable answer. Bleed your love, or face the fussy-faced attorney.

4. Kiss attacks are a must. Any time. Any place. Any where (except for on sacred ground where religious morality (sexual tension) takes precedence over make-out sessions.

5. Even though you look like a super model, if you don't talk, kiss attack, or have a personality (read: Dylan) you are not cutting it.

Resting pout face = true love.

6. Say things that evoke a pouty frown face. The more Andi pouts, the more her love for your manliness is growing.

7. Be ruthless, sneaky and seductive, even if that means being hated by everyone else around you.

8. Be the kind of parent who babies his little boy into being sneaky and ruthless like you, and over-protects his little girl so that she is insecure and defensive like mommy.

9. Wear a beaded bracelet that dances on your wrist while you swirl your wine glass (read: Marcus).

10. Cry to the camera about how deep your love for Andi runs (this was actually a believable moment, Nick - way to have a moment of authenticity).

Dear Andi: Will you be my Bert?

BONUS: Look like Ernie from Sesame Street.

In a nutshell:
We are in Brussels, Belgium (which makes me want sprouts and a waffle, stat)

Marcus and Andi have the first one-on-one. Marcus is A MAN.

Josh and Andi have the second one-on-one - Josh is his normal, smouldering, douchey self and finally breaks down to confess he is falling for Andi. Naturally this validation makes her light up like a small puppy who just found something substantial to rub up against.

Nick sneaks out and stages a pathetic scene with the hotel lobby to find out Andi's room number (ps - now we know this resort is a prime location for stalkers to prey). She is super surprised to see him and only feels guilty for an itsy bitsy minute. They have a passion that speaks novels.

The group date is at a monastery - everyone dumps their heart out to Andi, including Chris who even took it upon himself to recreate the epic scene from Ghost in a pottery barn - but Nick gets the rose, as he expected. Panic ensues. Drunken red wine cat fights emerge back at the hotel among the guys.

The guys continue to fight lips and dingdong for Andi's affection. But ultimately Dylan and Brian do not make the cut, and are sent home.