From awkward to viral to awesome.

For those of you who enjoyed my Things That Are Awkward at the Gym blog post, here is an update:

The man referenced in my post from two years ago has been discovered by others and video taped! I must put in here as a foreword that I actually admire this man and his ability to not let any remote kind of social pressure keep him from exercising the way he wants to. Truly, it is a calorie busting approach and it looks like he is having a BLAST. So this is not to mock him or make fun of him. Simply to give you all a visual to what I experience every morning from a row of cardio machines away (and maybe a good laugh).



and another video found by my coworker - 

I have to say this absolutely all made my day. Thank you man at the gym. You are officially no longer "awkward" just AWESOME. 

 If you don't want to search through the post to find the commentary on this man, this is in reference to the #2 thing that is awkward at the gym which reads -

 2. Jumping, head banging and fist pumping while on the stair climber - This was a WTF moment and while I do judge this man, I secretly want whatever is in his cheerios because this guy seems like the most euphoric, energetic, exerciser on the planet. So, I get to my machine, and I have seen this guy before very "into" his workout jams. But today, he was on the stair climber which is a tall set of actual revolving stairs - like a stage towering high above the other machines. And he was climbing up then, shaking his head violently to the music. Suddenly (what I can only imagine to be the musical climax of the Rocky song) he starts to prance up the stair climber, bouncing up and down and jumping all around as he was climbing - the coordination was actually impressive. The veins in his calves were literally popping out. Sweat FALLING from his entire body (gross). And then, just when I thought this was the most insane thing I have ever seen, his arm flies up into the air, literally fist pumping over and over again. ON THE STAIR CLIMBER PEOPLE!? REALLY?! A. We are at the YMCA, not at a concert of the Village People doing the YMCA. B. What is on your headphones? C. (Again, secretly) what are you on?! I kind of want some. Because despite the public humiliation, whatever it is burns A LOT of calories. (I will gladly reenact this for you upon request).

How happiness happens.

On Friday night Weston and I sat outside in his backyard as the sun set, and over a bottle of wine discussed some fears I have been facing. I was overwhelmed and feeling lost about my purpose - questioning how things were taking shape and worrying about the future. I had a rough week and couldn't rest my mind and enjoy the moment because I was too preoccupied with figuring out my next move - determining what changes I needed to make to find "true happiness." Should I live closer to town? Did I major in the right field? Am I spending my time wisely? Am I nurturing my passions? Am I missing opportunities? Am I good at what I do? Am I wasting my money on food (never!)?

I bet he is in his twenties... or just... lost.

A big part of this anxiety I attribute to the curse of the "twenties" - the stigma that these are the best years of your life so you better do them right. Your twenties are a decade in which you are still young, energetic, and eager - without homework and hopefully with a moderate paycheck that gets you by. You are "all grown up" and yet real grown ups envy that you are free - without kids, probably without a mortgage (sans Weston who at 24 actually is a homeowner - what a real grown up, huh!). Life overall should be pretty easy - pretty euphoric. And yet, it is all of these assumptions I just listed that tend to make people living through their twenties feel inadequate.

Essentially, we are enduring a decade pressurized with social expectation and often we feel like we just don't live up. This social noise to have a dream, pursue it, become successful at it, all while finding a spouse, laying down roots, and yet still looking amazing, because let's face it - "our bodies will never look this good again" - can oftentimes be deafening. Suddenly life becomes more about living up, than simply living. 

I have a feeling you can relate. We all have those weeks (forget mid-life - try mid-month, every month crisis) when every day and every activity that consumes you just feels like a chore or even worse, like a failure. Almost as if you are swimming upstream, away from a path you think is going to take you from "just okay" to "great."

(Weston) (haha, yeah.. ).

So as you can imagine I am lamenting in true Jenny monologue fashion when suddenly Weston said something that really resonated with me. He said - "happiness doesn't happen to you - it is not created by a person, a job, a location. It is a mindset that you adopt. YOU can make happiness happen all on your own, right now. Take steps forward, but take them happily. The rest will fall into place." [Okay let's be honest, he is eloquent and that was at the heart of our two hour pep talk, but yes - that was my literary spin on a direct quote. You caught me.]

In that moment it took that insight (and let's also give credit to the wine) to remind me of the power of perception. I have written about this in the past a lot actually - whether it is attempting to see things "clartin clear" or simply taking the time to be grateful on a daily basis - but it is so easy to forget how doing small things can become a commitment to happiness and can in turn make all the difference. It doesn't have to mean moving across country, finding a brand new job, chopping off all your hair (oh goodness... mini panic attack at the thought). That kind of radical change might work for some - and might be necessary for some - but for me, it's the little things. These things are working out, writing, eating healthy (or indulging in oreo cookies) hugging, wearing a new outfit, listening to Celine Dion, dancing in my living room, trying not to sweat the small stuff (key word is TRYING), and taking life one day at a time. These things are not hard. Most of these things I can do at my desk at work (with the exception of yoga in the office - that didn't quite work out as I had planned). I can choose to just be happy.

-I did not say this. Nor did Weston. But its true.

Today I came into work with a completely different attitude and so far so good. I am human - tomorrow might suck. Tonight I might get home and stub my toe or step in duck poo - this is life. And clearly just "being happy" is a hard attitude change to make a habit, or else there wouldn't be an industry of self help books, happy pills and yours and my favorite - happy hour. BUT I am trying to be intentional about my happiness. I am trying to pursue happiness instead of pursuing a life change I think will bring it about. This doesn't mean I am going to stand still or settle. It just means I am going to climb the hill, and not assume I can jet-pack it to the top. Because no one can. I don't care if you are in your twenties or not - everyone's journey is unique. It is your own story - and making big things happen takes a lot of baby steps. Happiness means something different to every individual and so we must stop letting the voices in our head tell us our story isn't good enough or to just re-write it altogether (just listen to Celine instead).

It is possible, you have the power. Find the small things, incorporate them into your life, and commit to happiness. Because at the heart of happiness is just that - your heart. Not a job. Not a mansion. Not prince charming. Just you.

(Well, you, and maybe a bottle of wine too).

Spring fever.

Happy 1st birthday sweet Everley!

After some much needed spring cleaning this weekend and beautiful 80 degree sunshine, spring 2012 has officially begun. I truly believe my winter funk has lifted, and so, in true Jenny fashion, I am now diagnosing myself with yet another mother nature induced state - full on spring fever.I am really excited about heading into April. Things are coming full circle, capping off certainly the most self-revealing, exciting, roller coaster of a year - but I can say with confidence I wouldn't have had it any other way.

A year ago today, sweet Everley Burton had her life-saving surgery and thinking back on that day - on how scared I was for her, and for the Burton family, and how God truly pulled through a miracle - is humbling and just what I need to lift out of the mundane woes of a work day.  Looking back, this moment is what truly began a year that challenged and strengthened my faith in so many ways.

In Chicago last August for W's bday!

Everley was not the only person to grace my life that spring. Last April I met Weston. If you haven't gathered this yet from reading - yes, he is my boyfriend. Yes, he has a cool name. And if you are doing the math - yes that will put us at one whole year together. It is hard to believe a year has gone by, and yet in many ways I can't imagine him not being in my life. We have certainly become best friends, been through a lot, but what has surprised me most is how much I have learned about myself and grown through this relationship. No. I am not about to get all sappy. No one wants to read that. What people do want to read is the truth - nothing is perfect and for a perfectionist who has watched far too many romantic movies to have her feet remotely on the ground, it has not always been easy. Growing with someone is just that - growing. And that comes with growing pains just as it did in middle school when there were days you were seasonably confused and thus awkwardly dressed in a mini skirt and Uggs. But it has also been exciting and memorable. And no matter what happens, or where life takes us, I am very grateful he has been in my life.

Okay - since you probably saw the word "boyfriend" and skipped right over that paragraph in hopes of missing some melodramatic hallmark card, channel back in. It's over.

Let this be you - sort of. You get it...

For as much change as I have experienced in the past year, I can only hope that continues. I want my life to be ever-changing. I have high hopes for what is to come and none of them involve settling for "good enough." Unlike New Years day when the pressure is on for resolutions and life change, spring is a more subtle and lovely reminder that even in the darkest and coldest of days, the sun will come out again and new life will grow. Today I feel empowered, not intimidated. I feel hopeful and excited.

With that, I challenge you to look at your life like a seed in the ground. Don't deny yourself of sun, water, or a rich foundation. You can have all of those things. Learn what you truly need and want, nurture your life with people, a career, and activities that provide food for your soul, and you will flourish. Instead of waiting for someone or something to come around, cultivate your own life. This takes reflection, self-awareness, and courage, which is not always easy to tap into. But what better time than spring to not only clean out your closet to make room for new fashion, but to also spend some time cleaning out your soul to make room for greatness.

Crock-pot love

If I have learned anything from this (and every) season of The Bachelor it is this:
Love cannot be microwaved.

This is me when I sit down to the meal

Let me explain. I am no chef and to be quite frank, the act of cooking just stresses me out. There is a lot of heat involved in cooking. For one meal I can end up having the stove and three burners on, my hair is frizzing up, my pits are sweating and I am just feeling like an overall mess. I also find that in the midst of trying to get the timing right, I end up burning something - be it the food or my hand (typically both) and when I finally sit down to eat I am like a poodle in heat. I am also an emotional eater, so I am typically snacking during the process of cooking and not even hungry by the time the meal is ready.

Don't accept a Mac & Cheese Wannabe

All of this leads me back to my culinary comfort zone - the microwave. A place where I can zap my food in five minutes with no thought, no sweating, and no long wait period. There is no clean up, and barely any time to snack before the meal is ready. The heat concentrates fast and can turn ice into chicken - a tiny miracle of sorts. It seems like a wonderful solution, when it fact I am consuming food that is very high in sodium and probably giving myself cancer by eating out of the microwaved plastic containers. I am deceiving myself and taking the easy way out. And probably going to end up suing Lean Cuisine for my premature death.

But guess what friends - there is a happy medium for beginners to the cooking world and it is called THE CROCK-POT. The concept is genius - correctly measure and dump all of the contents of your recipe into a pot, and slow cook it throughout the day - set it and forget it. You can take your time in the store to pick out all the right ingredients, but you don't have to slave over a stove. There are many different kinds of recipes, but all of them cook slowly with just the right amount of heat, blending the flavors together over time. When you come back to your kitchen, you have a wonderful meal waiting which can be healthy and yet very low maintenance.

Real love cooking right here.

That is the kind of love that lasts - Crock-pot love. So many people jump into relationships when the heat is too high and the timing is wrong, and find themselves unfulfilled and unsatisfied with the end result. People in these kind of relationships get burned, and of course after an episode like that, there is a whole hell of a lot of clean up. Then there are the relationships in which it is almost too easy and too comfortable but because you are rushing in and aren't putting in the real work, you end up deceiving yourself and your partner by not being true to what you really want and need. It may be instant gratification that allures you to your comfort zone, but it does not last a lifetime or truly do a body good.

The best kind of relationship is the kind that cooks slowly - that has all of the right ingredients that may take time to marinate together, but in the end evolve into a flavorful end result. It is not instant gratification and it does take some work, but it is the right kind of work - choosing your recipe and your ingredients carefully, but letting the natural chemistry of the cooker do the rest. It is the kind of heat that grows over time but will never get too hot to burn you. It is the kind of effort that fills you up, but doesn't in turn make your pits sweat or your body endure cancer-causing radiation.

So I encourage you all to wait for your Crock-pot kind of love. It may take some time to find and master, but when you do, you'll never want to cook another way again.

The Fish Stick Finale

So long Fish Stick. So long.

Well this season of The Fish Stick is finally coming to a close, and to say I am relieved is an understatement. To be honest, when I first wrote on here about my thoughts, it was merely some random rantings, but now my blog has become consumed with these character's lives, and I know you are all just dying to here more about my real life instead... :) And I am dying to not have to think of clever things to say about this season - probably the worst in all of Bachelor history.

Where to begin? Let's start with the cheesy voice-over shots they used to introduce the episode. Lindzi - now that is a coat. Glad she traded the cardigan. Courtney comforting a stray cat in the road while reminiscing about her journey? Not convincing. And I can hear the producers now, saying, "Okay Ben, now walk out and overlook the mountains pensively as if you have a decision to make even though you really already know exactly what you're going to do and have since the day you skinny-dipped."

And then mom and sister, Julia arrive to this alternate universe of staged conversations and producer-baited questions. I laughed when they panned over to Ben sitting by the fire in his log cabin, as the women knocked on the door - as if that is what he would typically be doing.

Lindzi meets the family:

• Mom: "We are here for you Ben." Well you and the free vacation to the Swiss Alps.
• Julia's hair was definitely channeling the longer version of the greasy middle part frizz Ben sports.
• I'm sorry to break this to you Ben, but Lindzi doesn't light up the room - her spray tan does.
• And somehow Julia just intuitively knew to ask about a woman the rest didn't get along with? Okay, Miss Cleo. Sure.
• Lindzi: "I'm a little different - I arrived on a horse. Limos just aren't for me." Apparently forks aren't for Lindzi either as she continued to drop her silverware 15 times.
• Lindzi, news flash. You love talking to Ben not because it's Ben but because you love talking, which works well since fish stick is not who you'd consider a conversationalist.
• I just get this feeling that Julia wants on this show real kinds of bad. I feel like she was campaigning to be the next Bachelorette.
• Julia: Lindzi, let's not talk about you - let's talk about the other girl. Tell me more about her!
• Julia is wearing a poncho.

Courtney meets the family:

• Julia is already threatened by Courtney - a model for a sister-in-law? No Julia. A potential uni-brow for a sister-in-law.
• Julia is wearing a beret.
• Courtney upon seeing Ben (in a baby voice) "You're nervous? Why, because you like me a little bit? I will be on my best behavior." Ew. To the whole thing. Just ew.
• Courtney's defense to mom and Julia's initial questioning is to say that this is a "competition." Points for you Court! That is what every mom wants to hear about the love a woman feels for her son.
• After Courtney won the family over, Julia said, "I will never know what happened, but I believe Courtney." Correction: you will watch 8 episodes of what happened sister. 8 weeks of bat shit crazy.

Last date with Lindzi:

• What is up with the constant straddle hug? Can you hug with your feet on the ground just once?
• Fish stick in a horse and carriage... not working. 
• In the gondola - Lindzi: "How about this picnic?" Which really means, we have nothing better to talk about other than this moment and when that gets boring, let's talk some more about my walls and how vulnerable I am.
• Ben: "I look for that thing that keeps me going?" What is he talking about? I don't think he even knows. Actually he does. That "thing" that keeps him going would be baby talk and sledding, which you are not doing on your date today, Lindz.
• I am thinking Ben didn't want to wear a helmet and potentially mess up his hair.
• Lindzi: "I am 200% vulnerable. You think I have been more open? I am so vulnerable right now, right? I have never been so vulnerable." Has this chick ever heard of a thesaurus?
• Lindzi: "I love you."  Ben: "That's good." [blank stare]
• Ben: "Thank you for opening up and getting to the point I thought you could get to. It took you much more time, but I am glad you did." It has been 8 weeks Benji-freak. 8. Weeks.
• Lindzi: "This is scary and so tough. But I like it. I am confident, but freaked out." Someone give this girl a sedative before she girls herself a heart attack.

Last date with Courtney:

• Courtney: "Ben has a lot of depth. And I never saw that side of Lindzi." - but you tried to be nice to all of the girls right?
• In the helicopter I can just hear the producers feeding a geography lesson to him through his head phones. "On the other side of this mountain, is uh... It... oh right...Italy"
• Courtney: "I don't regret anything." Let's keep this statement in mind when we watch After the Final Rose friends.
• The baby talk and the sledding. As mentioned - this is what apparently keeps fish stick "going" whatever that means.
• Ben keeps talking about this big decision? What decision. Fish Stick knew from the moment she got naked on the beach.
• Courtney upstaged Lindzi by giving Ben a gift and reading a letter to him in what sounded to me like a snoody and almost defensive tone. It was like Marilyn Manson singing a Disney song.
• Ben to Courtney after receiving her gift: "Talk about being vulnerable!" No Ben, that is Lindzi's job.
• Ben's logic: Let's propose to a woman I have known for 8 weeks and already there have been many "times I don't understand her, and times that she frustrates me." but because mom and Julia approve after meeting her for three hours I have a sense of clarity. What planet is this?

Lindzi's Departure:

• I love the cape Lindzi is wearing.Very Narnia.
• Lindzi arrived to the podium and immediately starts rambling. Girlfriend. Stop. Talking. This is Ben's time.
• She knew it was a no-go the minute he said "uh..." And I could just see the walls - literally see them - come flying up and the "vulnerable" take off running.
• Ben: "I am in love with you and I have great moments with you, but I need those moments to last a lifetime and I found that with someone else. I am in love with someone else." That about wraps up the sensibility behind this entire season in one sentence and Lindzi is speechless for the first time on the entire show.
• Ben: "I'm still shaking" - oh yeah Ben, let's make this about YOU and YOUR feelings. You just told her you loved her, and still broke her heart, and now you are asking for comfort?
• Lindzi: "I blame myself for not giving you what you needed." Basically you didn't give him your cha cha, and you should be proud of that. You will be glad in the long run.
• And then she pulled a "Jamie" - Lindzi: "If it doesn't work out, call me!"
• Overall, Lindzi held it together so well. I was really proud of her actually. My heart broke for her when she said she just wants to go home now. Poor thing, but much better off.

Hug it out now while you can still stand each other.

Courtney "Winning"

• The gloves - interesting slightly evil-looking touch. Appropriate.
• Ben said he had experiences with her that show him real signs of what life could be like. Yes Ben, sledding, and drinking, and helicoptering. These truly are real life things. The other real life things you should expect in your future - back-stabbing, name-calling and not forgiving. Excellent choice.
• Courtney's first words were "I love it"(meaning the ring) and not "I love you"
• Oh my dad?! would be in order. Enough said. Cheese just squirted out of the mountains. Typically this would make me happy. Not today.
• Courtney's classic final words: "You are stuck with me!"

And they lived happily ever after? Not so much. 

Contemplating what the word "together" really means.

The theme for After the Final Rose was pure confusion. The question "are you together" was asked every five minutes and every time the answer was different. The only time I even really cared was when everything got turned on Ben for taking some space to think things through for a time during the airing, which he called his "coping mechanism." They were painting it like he abandoned her and she already has trust issues and yadda yadda. Listen, Courtney's "coping mechanism" during the whole show was to be a heinous bitch. If you ask me, Ben's approach is much more normal. And as for the rumors he cheated, that he swears are untrue - I hope they aren't. Because let's face it, Courtney is insecure which is the root of her weirdness and defensiveness. We don't need to enhance that anymore than it already is.

I wish Lindzi had been on the show to voice her thoughts since her exit was very abrupt and silent (which was shocking coming from our friend chatter box). I am sure after all of this she is glad to have gotten out of that situation without all of this drama now following Courtney and Ben. And I am sure the public support and 15 minutes of fame is easing her pain just fine.

Chris, as usual, asked some great questions in his warm and caring way. The only thing that annoyed me was the fact they handled this as if every Bachelor couple has ended up happy and every ATFR show had been euphoric rainbows and gum drops until Courtney dropped in. Do you not remember Jason dumping Melissa and then picking Molly? Or Emily and Brad ripping into each other? And let's NOT remember Vienna and Jake. Wow. I forgot all about Jake. His season was pretty bad too.. he makes fish stick look like prince charming.

That's all from me. I am tired. I hope you have enjoyed the Fish Stick chronicles. 
Until Emily's season it is back to me and my reality. I know you are thrilled...

For more Bachelor Blogs visit the following:
Week 1: Not a Fish Stick Fan
Week 2: Fish Stick in the Jungle
Week 3: Weekend Samples Platter with a Side of Fish Stick
Week 4: Fish Stick Meets the Parents
Week 5: Fish Stick in the Swiss Alps

Trying to understand the fuss over Fish Stick.

The girls scream nothing.

This morning I woke up to a facebook post that said "where is your blog about the Women Tell All." In that moment I felt very special (because when you only have 10 official followers, you start to wonder if anyone even cares), but here is the thing friends. I have no words. I sat back and watched Miss Piggy, a relentless Chihuahua, a Snookie look-alike, among other annoying animal personifications fight like cats and dogs over FISH STICK. And it just left me... uninspired.

Overall, most of these girls are fame whores, who at the same time are still so insanely insecure it's almost embarrassing. The hypocrisy was kind of crazy - they would shout over each other, steal the spot light and demand apologies or validation from the name calling or the comments that each one of them in turn made to each other. Courtney may have been the edited villain, but the rest of them are not saints. If you ask me, Blakeley should have kept her mouth shut about the stripper and hooker comments. I forgot all about them, as I am sure most of the public did. Why remind us? And my goodness, that Chihuahua, Samantha, should have been euthanized. As for Courtney, nothing she said or could have ever said would have been "good enough." The fact she was even there was stupid, and made her look even more pathetic and the other girls look absolutely ruthless. No one came out of that looking desirable or dateable. The only girls on the stage who are real women with brains instead of just severely pushed up boobs are Emily, Kacie B, and Nicki. And yet Emily is the only one who seems to see Fish Stick for what he really is - a complete dud. 

Not "winning" anymore, huh?

One of my best friends from college watches (with his girlfriend, to justify his manhood) and is actually really into this season. I think our G chat the next day summed up how I felt about the show. 

me: I seriously don't know how to blog about last night

9:07 AM I mean...

  they kind of blogged about themselves

  - I feel like they already ripped everything apart enough. What is left to say?

6 minutes

9:14 AM Alexander: I just thought they were all attention whores attempting to capitalize on their last 15 minutes of fameIt was so awful

 me: It really was

9:15 AMProbably not even blog worthy

 Alexander: Jamie was horribly awkward again.... when she rambled for about 30 seconds literally without saying anything of value... only to cap it off with "Ben you know if things don't work out with you and whoever... you know... anytime" and winking at him

 me: I know - the WINKING coupled with the CRYING... what is she thinking?

  and then laughing

  and then crying again

  It was like the side effects of PMS condensed into a 30 second sentence

9:16 AM 

 Alexander: Hah, she is weird

 me: You know she ran for miss New York? Hard to imagine this "seductress" thinks the flying monkey attack coupled with the aftermath come-on is enhancing her image...

 Alexander: I know, and Monika is gross

 me: OMG I KNOW

  The side braid and the orange ummpah - loompah look

 

Alexander: and Jaclyn is the ugliest contestant in history

 me: hahaha - I love how you know all of the girls names. You devoted fan, you.

  Yeah, I call her miss piggy

9:17 AM

 Alexander: Yes, she is miss piggy!

 9:18 AM Alexander: Who was the girl who, after Chris who asked the first question to someone else, she chimed in nastily and you could tell she wanted to expose more drama

  she was blabbermouth

 me: the Chihuahua

  Samantha

  she was OBNOXIOUS

  that voice... oh my god. Nails on a freakin chalk board.

9:19 AM Alexander: yea, at one point she said something like (in a nasty dramatic tone) "I came back to the room and what did you tell me... you said the other girls were being mean to you"

  I was like wow, talk about irony you c---

9:20 AM me: hahahahaha

  I know right

  It was like she was trying to expose crap that was not even remotely relevant

  It was bizarre

9:21 AM Alexander: yea, completely

9:23 AM I am sad that Emily and Nicki were not picked... also, I liked Lindzi from the beginning and you can really tell she is in love with him, she is so cute, so passionate and sincere

5 minutes

9:28 AM me: yeah

9:29 AM she really is sincere, but let's be honest, in a dumb kind of way

   but she is about to have her heart broken

 Alexander: yea, poor thing

9:30 AM Emily said it well though when she explained she is glad she didn't end up with someone who would keep Courtney that long

 

27 minutes

me: Did you think Courtney was genuinely sad?Alexander: I think she was sad yes, but she was clearly trying to repair her image... she screwed up and did it to herself so I do not feel bad for her at all. me: Yeah, looks like she isn't "winning" anymore. Suck it.   [Then we both got back to work like good employees should].

Really?! All of this for this guy?

 I think it's clear who is the comic relief in this post (that boy may care a whole lot about this season of The Bachelor, but he is still much more of a man than Fish Stick will ever be). I promise to deliver a more clever analysis of the final episode, and of course the much anticipated After the Final Rose, but this one simply did not inspire me.

Add that to the fact work has been picking up and I had my orientation to be an official volunteer at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital (more on this later), it has been a busy week!

I now leave you with someone who is much more qualified to comment on this episode. Enjoy this little diddy from your friend and mine.