Bachelor's Sweet 16

This is me in a commercial. I told you - crazy!

Nashville had tornado warnings on Tuesday night - a lovely 3am wake up call to a siren that does not have a snooze button. But honestly, that is how I have felt the past two weeks - caught up in a complete whirlwind. Unlike the crazy weather, I am loving every minute of being busy and learning new things at work, but in turn, my blog has been neglected. However, it is finally time to deliver my thoughts on the last two weeks of the Bachelor, starting with the episode that aired on 1/21.

In honor of the 16 ladies that were remaining on last week's episode of Ken Doll picks a Bat Cray Barbie, I am going to list the top 16 things we learned:

Longest awkward turtle.

1. The Bachelor is record setting: from the most times a man's naked chest has been exploited, to the largest volume of alcohol consumed in an 8-week period of time, and of course the greatest number of crazy women in a confined space... But wait. Now they have added to their honorary roster the longest on-screen kiss.... aka, the most awkward 3 minutes and 16 seconds of my life.

2. In case you guys were wondering - family is all that matters in the whole entire world and if your parents aren't still holding hands right this minute, all the time, well then, there is no hope for you.

3. Quoting the Breakfast Club about your high school experience is a great way to appear authentic.

4. If you think you have to fight in a sandbox attempting to play volleyball to win over Sean's attention, you're wrong. Just throw yourself down the stairs. Works like a gem.

Hot. Mess.

5. Wearing a bandana on your head does not give you athletic super powers. It just makes you look like you belong on Survivor.

6. Sean's nose is apparently his "money maker" - be expecting more "nose" shots in the B-roll next week.

7. Tierra wants to punch her hand through a wall. I want to punch my hand through her face.

8. Six Flags Magic Mountain is magical. But not as magical as Disney World.

"I can feel the depths of my heart cultivating a true connection..."

9. Ashlee's strategy is to divulge her past using only lines from "between you and me" hallmark cards  - Immersing herself in the possibility of being with Sean is just as thrilling as when the heavenly lord filled the lavender fields of her soul on the day she was claimed as someone's sweet child.  Boom. Rosed.

10. Robyn wants to "ditch these bitches and go fall in love for real." I want to ditch Robyn.

11. Sarah and her dog Leo are best friends for life. I think she got more action from her dog than she has from Sean this season.

"Ain't no Tierra got time for that. Stairs - here I come."

12. Stealing Sean away from a girl like a dirty Santa present, or in the words of Des, like a freakin Hyena, is not cool.

13. When Sean has one rose left, it's his FINAL rose. In case you were wondering.

14. Kacie B is out due to her bizarre reverse strategy to do everything they say NOT to do in Bachelor history. She must be actually drinking on this season...

15. Kacie B is also not your go-to girl for memory, as she claims she left Ben's season with no regrets, which must explain why she traveled all the way to that island to warn him about Courtney after her elimination.... yeah. She's nuts.

16. You cannot avoid the emotional breakdown when you are not rosed. Kristy almost mastered the graceful exit....so close... wait for it... wait for it... breakdown.

Come back tomorrow for more on last week's episode - roller derby madness.