Getting found.

Roomies!

Erik has been home now for almost two months. When looking back at my last post, we can all deduce quite quickly that I haven't written here in almost two months as well. My immediate reaction to this is - well Jenny, you suck. You go on and on about personal growth in his absence and he comes home and suddenly your passions go radio silent. There is some truth to that self-(disgust) evaluation. But to truly understand the reasons I have been too busy to retreat to this white box with entertaining words of honeymooning, cupcakes and rainbows, we have to have a real time talk.

I now live with a boy.

Please don't get me wrong - it is a fabulous and wonderful progression to have him (and all of his stuff) home and in my one-bedroom 800 sq. ft apartment. It is a magical experience to learn all of the nuances of what they mean when they say "men are from mars and women are from venus." I now watch a lot of Animal Planet and I actually know what is going on with world news. There is an endless array of mac and cheese in my pantry calling upon every fiber of my willpower to not inhale, which hey - who doesn't like a little challenge? I've learned the difference between an XBox and a playstation, and the importance of having a "control center" computer set-up to tackle daily tasks. I now live with a boy and it has been a little bit busy in adjusting to all of that.

But I really do love that boy. 

And having him home has been the most awesome and exciting chapter. Yes, it has been naturally overwhelming at times, but I would not trade it. There is a term in the army called "out-processing" which essentially means reintegrating a solider back into normal everyday life after being deployed. While Erik has been incredible in this transition, I think I underestimated the amount of processing - in, out, up, down - I would be doing simultaneously as we figure out this next season together - a season we anticipated and prayed for, and yet at the same time had no idea what its climate would look and feel like.

And it looks like I have to hit the gym more often to work off the mac and cheese on my ass, and yet it feels like the best thing that ever happened to me. 

This is what we do for fun. SPACE IS COMING!

It has kept us busy as we get to know each other all over again, visit with friends, work to keep my job and find him a new one (as he will be officially out of the Army in January), figure out how to avoid going to the grocery store every three days (for more mac and cheese), save money, find a new apartment (to fit all the mac and cheese), write two columns every week for 12 & Broad, stay fit (three words: mac. and. cheese), be awesome... you know, all the things I would like to happen effortlessly on a daily basis. And sometimes I go insane.

Why? Because it is not all happening perfectly, at the same time, right this minute.

But I think that is the lesson of the year - good things come to those who have the patience and the faith to wait and know they will arrive. After all - Erik arrived safely back in July and with that, life became ever more sweet (and mac-and-cheesy). Nothing is perfect, but everything works out as it should.

He does most of the "finding" normally. #imchallenged

And while it is not always easy, no matter what season of life we are in, we must stop and take time to do things that are completely untied from anyone's expectations but our own - like writing here, in this safe space. A space that allows for typos and imperfections. A space that rambles harmoniously as the thoughts flow from my brain through my fingers to rest here peacefully (or disjointedly but whatever - it's my blog so I can say what I want). A space that, lucky for my ego, is judged only silently in your head, which is a space I never have to visit. 

Find your version of this space, and rest in it more often. I promise once you do, you will feel very found. And while you're at it - live with a boy. You will learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible, and with him by your side, you'll sleep like you took an ambien (by far my favorite perk).