I got a text message the other day that read, "Jenny! I saw your blog in my bookmarks and couldn't believe you haven't updated since March!" Yes, this was true. And it triggered a few thoughts in my mind.
1. People read my blog unsolicited?
2. People other than my mom have this bookmarked?
3. I am fully, fully aware (wash of shame and defeat).
And yet that was a few weeks ago.. . and still, nothing.
My blog is in my bookmarks toolbar as well (what can I say, I'm my own biggest fan...), and has been mocking me, just sitting next to Facebook and Wells Fargo - friends, money and BLOG - click on me! care about me! love me! And yet every time I clicked on it and saw a post about last spring's Bachelor (Ken Doll has since danced with the stars, remained a "virgin," and Desireealllly-are-we-crying-again has found a poor gal's Brooks to be her for-now-fiance to help him launch his poetry career on Amazon) I felt even more in a rut. Where to start?
I could say I have been very "busy," which is my favorite word to make myself feel better about not doing the things I know take some energy to jump start but reap the greatest reward. The past five months have been full of awesome experiences, the usual challenges and the ever-entertaining interesting encounters. But let's get real. If I can find the time to google "what is the best way to eat lots of cheese and not get fat" while eating a grilled cheese and watching every episode of the Real Housewives, ever made, I'm pretty certain I could have squeezed this in.
But to be honest, I have felt like my creativity has been on back order - like that great piece of furniture you know exists and are anxiously awaiting to arrive to polish off the room, and yet, it is not showing up. I know my voice is in here... but it has just been waiting for something to spark, for a rant to rise up in my bones or another top ten list to pour out of my fingers - one that hadn't already been exhausted on buzzfeed or thought catalog in a way more brilliant way than I could have ever written. Something that spoke to me, that in turn would inspire me to speak to you. And I guess telling you about my cheese googles just didn't feel very interesting.
Enough is enough. I posted 51 times last year, and only nine this year. And this has by far been the best year of my life. And if I don't chronicle it somewhere, what will I have to read my grandchildren as bed time stories? How will the world remember me? What will E! True Hollywood Story reference as evidentiary support to my awesomeness when I finally become a C List celebrity (still working on this one) simply so I can be on Dancing with the Stars? So despite the fact I just spent five paragraphs writing about how I am not exactly sure what to write about, at least I'm writing.
And for those of you far far away who bookmark my blog as your sole connection to the daily happenings in my life (yes Poppy, that means you) - here is the nutshell - I am still working at BOHAN Advertising, living downtown, enjoying my location and all this amazing city has to offer. I have been to New Orleans, Houston, Chicago and Washington D.C. for work (which sounds entirely more exciting than it was), had amazing visits from my sister and parents, and I am headed to see the whole family in Vermont this weekend.
Put simply - I am truly happy. Not every minute of every day. Not while driving in traffic, or waking up to another monsoon (Nashville has been like London minus the charming accents these days). Not while burning my butt cheeks to a crisp following an overly ambitious and extremely regrettable run-in with a free tanning bed (never again). Not necessarily when on the treadmill cursing my obsession with ranch dressing on everything, or when saying goodbye to my family as they head home after amazing visits. But overall, I feel very happy and very blessed.
Not every piece of the puzzle is in place, nor do I think it should be - that would be pretty boring. But it has been an amazing summer full of laughing, eating, dancing, and plenty of unexpected surprises along the way. And as we head into fall and the leaves change and the air gets crisp in that magical way that it does every year, I think my creativity might show up at my doorstep to complete that part of me that has missed this - this dialogue to no one and everyone (28 people, let get's real, and even that might be ambitious) all at the same time.
But if it is March 2014 and this is the last post you see, well just know, I am happy, I am alive (knock on wood). And I'll be back eventually.
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