The Boys Barely Speak.

Foreword:

1. This post is too long already for pictures. Use your imagination.

2. Remember me? For just a moment we are going to digress from the ever-so-perfect Bachelorette Emily and remember yours truly, Jenny - the girl who writes this blog. So many things have changed over the past few months. I have said goodbye to The A Group for a new opportunity to work at BOHAN Advertising here in Nashville. The new position is exciting and going to be an awesome challenge. While the change is certainly bitter sweet, I welcome it with open arms - it was simply time for me to spread my wings and try something new and scary. Even better, I will be moving to my own place in the new 11 North apartments in the Gulch - I will be able to walk to work and be located in the most up and coming part of music city, which has always been a dream.

I have had such an incredible summer so far - from this new job offer, to finding my own place, to my parents coming to visit and taking me and Weston to the Brothers of the Sun concert tour, to my oldest bud, Ike, visiting to help me get ready for the new apartment (move in date is Sept 1st! I can hardly wait). Even just remembering the fun every day things - game nights, dinner and drinks with friends in between - I sit here feeling so blessed to be embarking on this chapter of my life with some of the most incredible people- and with a lot of summer left to go.

I cannot wait to fill you all in on the details after next week once Emily picks her man - you know that slow time when my blog hits decrease because my life is not nearly as entertaining as an ABC produced reality show about finding love.... sad but true :) But I fully intend to bore you anyways with some fun upcoming topics - Top 10 most awkward things about the first day of at a new job, my new daily obsession, adjusting to a new gym and design tips learned from decorating my new digs on a budget! I can feel you're excitement as you skim over these paragraphs looking for Bachelorette keywords ;)

Okay, fine, fine - here we go -  we have some men who have some things to say.  
START READING YOU SKIMMERS - So without further ado let's talk about:

The Boys Barely Speak.
The first thing we must note about this show is that the title is highly deceiving. If you ask me, the men are all immature boys (with the exception of Sean) and as for "telling all" - barely. Half of them barely spoke one word (thanks to editing I'm sure). The show was also buffered with a lot of recap montages avid fans have already seen, and a lot of cut and edited arguments that while funny, were not very telling. Pretty much all of the guys were the people we saw on the show, and if anything, their "winning traits" were magnified.

No longer a rooster. Still a douche bag.
Okay now let's get into the boy talk. Ryan, while sporting a much better, less rooster-ed hair-do, is still arrogant, but I must admit, was the highlight of this show for me - he is hilarious - funny must be one of his many worldly gifts. Like him or not (not), he was very entertaining to watch last night - especially his dynamic with the increasingly more constipated Chris - who has quite the temper, seems to get offended by everything and is still angry about the breakup - which is not very rational given the insignificance his exit and his connection was to Emily and the audience. That kid is simply off his rocker. The more he defends his maturity the more immature he seems. Its a vicious cycle. Pair that with his temper and you have the perfect storm for television humiliation. The shot of his face while he was watching back his story looked like he was strategizing a terrorist attack, or trying to poop. Emily dodged a bullet with that one - while I can respect that Chris was real and showed his true colors unlike puppet Bachelor Brad who hid his temper until after the final rose, Chris certainly would not have been a good match for Emily. Maybe in five years...

Fueling the fire.
Okay let's talk about Kalon - the man who had to prepare himself both mentally (by reciting daily affirmations in the mirror) and physically (by applying lip gloss) for that "experience" - dude. It's reality TV, not war. I will say, I am no Kalon fan, but I also thought the emphasis on him was really unnecessary. Everyone is acting like he threatened Ricki's life. It was not cool what he said, but I almost wish they didn't give it all so much attention when in truth, he was not the only guy to make comments like that. What about what greasy-middle-part-foreign-dude said about "compromise" - very much the same comment, without any of the attention. The worst part is that out of all of this drama Kalon got exactly what he wanted - to be cast on Bachelor Pad and continue his media blitz. I wish the guy would just go away altogether.

General observations:
Our Nashville hunk Charlie did get one word in about "being real" during the show - one of the few back-row boys that got airtime so good for him. 

Remember the token black guy on the first night? He also showed up in a quick recap reel - so ABC can check "diversity" off their list for this episode.

Tony - the Kermit lover - was back for the sole purpose of showing his rainbow heart and storming Emily with a hug as she walked on stage. Dear Sesame Street - hire him. 

All of the guys kept winking last night like they had turrets. Someone needs to show those men how to wink so they do not end up looking like they were just bitten in the ass by a hermit crab.

The guys like to refer to Emily as "That girl" and it's annoying - "I loved that girl," "That girl is so amazing," "That girl is an incredible mom," "That girl made my heart go boom boom and made me believe in fairy tales and pee sunshine" - vomit.

News about Emily!
Hey guys - guess what. Emily is a single mom! I KNOW! We all cannot believe it.... right? Brand new information...... Seriously ABC - if I have to hear one more single-mom sob story or question I am going to lose it. I respect and admire single moms, however - we get it! She isn't a wounded warier or a quadriplegic. If you ask me that is not all that should define her as a good person. Does she deserve to find love - absolutely. Does Ricki deserve a father - of course. But come the end of the day, they are abusing the "mom factor" to paint Emily as a Barbie and a Saint. It's transparent, and getting old.

True love.
And then Sean finally got to talk - swoon. He is so precious and while I know rumor has it Roberto is the next bachelor, I hope that falls through and Sean gets his shot. He was sincere and very realistic about everything that happened between them. It was bitter sweet, because I believe he truly was ready to be a father and a husband. But no doubt he is living up his post-show "prince charming" persona. If Charlie is being stopped for pictures at Urban Flatts here in Nashville, I can only imagine the parade of people swooning over Sean - he is surely a hometown celebrity.

Getting real.
My favorite part is ALWAYS the blooper reel. I think the bloopers really showed Emily's true colors. I have a theory that Emily is not the sugar-sweet doll she seems and thank goodness - how boring would that be. Every time something goes slightly wrong she is dropping f-bombs. Very funny.  I wish some of that red-neck raw personality came out a bit more even when she wasn't messing up or defending her love child. But no, instead she willingly sings "twinkle twinkle" to an egg.

THE FINALE IS ON SUNDAY?
 I don't understand -why is ABC messing with my Monday flow? I guess the sooner the better. My guess based on all the dramatic footage for next week, is that nothing is as it seems and 75% of those shots were clipped together out of context. I am sure she is engaged... but to who? My guess is Jef. The chemistry is there with Arie, but I don't think she is ready for his lifestyle. She needs this guy to work to save face from all the public humiliation that will ensue if it doesn't work out a second time, and of course so that she can have an ABC funded multimillion dollar televised wedding event. So I think she choose with her head, and not her who-hah.

What do you think?!