Love letter to Regis. Plot to take out Oprah.

I miss you Face. You were my first gay best friend.

I am sure you have all heard the devastating news that THE Regis Philbin of the epic morning talk show - Live with Regis and Kelly, is retiring at the end of this season. He has promised a lot of fun to close out his 28 year run, which was initially truly heartbreaking for me because I have watched him since I can remember - my mom was an avid fan. Snow days were not only exciting for the no school but because I was able to watch Regis and Kelly and of course - Gullah Gullah Island with your favorite host, and mine - Face - on Nick Jr.

Regis is just so sharp and charming. He is a lot like my grandpa, Poppy. So I kind of feel like Regis is my grandpa, and when I watch, it is like we are family. He is 79 years old - can you believe it? He is so brilliant. Regis. I love you. (I wanted to super impose my face over Kelly's but I don't have enough readers to merit that kind of photo shop time... maybe some day ;).

What is even more hard to swallow is that Regis is not the only one who has broken my heart this season in Daytime talk show world.

One word says it all - Oprah. You know what is NOT one of my favorite things Op?! YOU LEAVING ME.... what will I do without your epic reunion shows of The Sound of Music cast? Your shows with Dr. Oz that show me how my colon functions? The wise and profound way in which you repeat everything the guest just said two or three times before going to break as if to make it your own statement? Oprah. WHY?!

Oprah first.... NOW REGIS?! Either they are trying to kill me... OR... could this be something else? An intervention of sorts? A calling...? DO THEY WANT ME TO TAKE THEIR PLACE?!

As you all know, it is my dream to one day have my own talk show. Maybe this is my big break?!

Who should I replace? Put me next to Kelly Rippa and it would look like the girl version of My Giant (me - being the Giant of course) so I am not sure how that would fly.... plus two girls at the table is two crazy motha's and one stiff broadcasting legend away from being "The View." So perhaps I should stick with replacing Oprah. I guess we could called it Jenny. And my company name would be Ynnej - which looks japanese - but that will pull in a more diverse viewship, right?

I like Chicago.

I like giving gifts to people.

I like raising my voice and soliciting hoots, hollas, and wild clapping every 15 mississipi seconds just for exisitng.

This could work.