Vegas Vacation

My peeps. The Dion Family.

Woah.

I don't know where to begin. August has been such a crazy and awesome month. And by awesome I mean there where days that were great - like Weston's 25th birthday celebration - and days that were surreal - like winning a jackpot in Vegas - and days that flat out sucked - like spending last night cleaning out my toilet and a refrigerator that had not been disinfected in four years.

So as you can imagine I have been busy. I could write paragraphs monologuing my month, day by day. You would tune out, right about now, and go over to Thought Catalogue for an actually entertaining read. BUT STAY WITH ME. I promise. I'm only going to focus on the August highlights, starting with VEGAS!

Top 5 moments of the the real Las Vegas:

Surprise. We're related.

1. I changed my name to Jenny Dion. The show was amazeballs. Celine's voice is liquid gold. No, wait. Re-do. Her voice is like fondue - chocolate and/or cheese dipped in baguettes that when digested, turn into gold that enters your bloodstream and makes you a superhuman. Yes, she could sing word-of-the-day toilet paper and it would shake me to the core, but add in an orchestra, Stevie Wonder holograms, amazing gowns and a Vegas-style production and what you have left is a dream come true. With the exception of the cranky beotch who, within the first five minutes of the concert, screamed at me that she paid "$250 DOLLARS FOR THESE SEATS" and we better "SHUT UP!" So I said - "I'm sorry? Celine fans don't say shit like that beotch, and I paid $500 dollar for this seat (lie) so you got a deal - congrats. Enjoy the concert!"
[Confession: I didn't really say that. But that is what I WISH I had said upon further reflection].
I LOVE YOU CELINE. 

Me and Prince Harry partying it up.

2.Vegas is like Disney world for adults AND there are no open container laws. Aka, I am in love. We stayed at the Venetian Hotel in a luxurious suite over-looking the strip, sleeping above Italian inspired shopping, cuisine and a replica of Saint Mark's Square. The resorts in Vegas are simply out of this world extravagant from indoor waterfalls, to Rodeo-drive styled shopping malls to palace-like decor. We walked all up and down the strip of Sin City from buffet to buffet, working off our gluttonous behavior by dipping in and out of the casinos, riding roller-coasters, lounging poolside just feet away from Ryan Lochte and Prince Harry. And for all of those wondering - no I am not the woman in Prince Harry's pictures. No, I did not see his butt. No, I did not race Ryan Lochte in a pool.

I was too busy winning a Jackpot....

Cirque du Soleil's latest: Freak Show

3. On our last night I had $40 left to gamble after losing $200 playing craps and spending friggin $40 on two strawberry daiquiris poolside. (Let's just say I was not having the same luck I had in Tunica). So naturally, I put all of my money into a high limit slot machine, since I am clearly a high roller with luck on her side. I then did a max bet spending all of the cash in one spin. It was like I blacked out and lost all sense of the value of money. Well thank goodness I did because on that first spin I hit a jackpot for $1800 in the beautiful Wynn hotel (my absolute favorite). We were freaking out. I kept screaming - GET OUT MY MONEY! GET IT OUT! CASH OUT! CASH OUT! I dont want to lose it! MOM HOW DO I CASH OUT?!?! The machine is blaring the ring-aling sounds I believe you hear as you enter heaven, as the attendant walked over thinking - Oh God - this chick belongs in a circus. It was by far the most surreal moment watching the 18 hundred dollars bills be placed in my hand. So, yeah. I'm rich now. No big deal.

Every hour on the hour.

4. My wallet is not the only thing that came back heavier. Since I rarely have any culinary self-control in Nash Vegas, lord knows I had ZERO in the real Las Vegas. The food was absolutely amazing. Every meal we had was simply mouth-watering, and the atmosphere's were dream-like. My favorite meal had to be the Wicked Spoon buffet in the Cosmopolitan hotel - unreal. They had a gelato station with 16 different kinds of gelato. And the most amazing gnocchi. They had to ask me to leave, until they realized I was only still sitting there because I was so full, I literally couldn't walk out.

5. The best part was being able to spend real quality time with my crazy, wonderful, slightly dysfunctional and yet perfect family. It was the original four back in action and I loved every second (even when Lynn and I were fighting WW3 style over who would have the last bite of macaroni and cheese).

I took this. Aka I googled it. Besties at TAO.

Man. We didn't get a chance to talk about mine and Lynn's attempt to night-club where the Kardashion's go (we are just not made for that kind of "clubbing") or the Colbie Caillat concert on the beaches of Mandalay Bay OR the amazing drinks and dinner lake show at the GORGEOUS (want to live there forever) Wynn hotel. It was such an amazing trip and we have the best parents in the world to make it all happen.

That was only five days of August. We still have so much to talk about. I moved into a new apartment - I KNOW! And people are starting to think I'm cool at work - WOO! And I am going to podunk Alabama to help execute a Dollar General Grand Opening Event this weekend - Yay? We will discuss all of this next time, because you're over my life by now, and I get that.

Thank you for reading. You now have permission to go back to stalking someone on facebook.