Foot. In. Mouth.

This is me. Except way less cute and delicate....

I had an epiphany at 10:27 PM last night as I was trying to fall asleep that what I actually meant to say in my post yesterday was that my finger TIPS were being torn to shreds by old guitar strings. Not to be confused with the made-up term I settled on "finger pads." Um. DUH.  That was a moment when stream of consciousness writing took precedence over appearing like a human who actually graduated elementary school.

So naturally, this got me to thinking about some other moments in my life in which I said things out loud that made absolutely no sense and/or should have just stayed in my head while in public ear shot of other human beings. I have a size 11 foot, so you would think the sheer terror of putting THAT appendage in my mouth would add an idiot-proof filter. But oh no... simply not the case. 

FOR INSTANCE:
[But first, a disclaimer: This is a place of no judgement. So you are required to still think I have a brain after you read it - okay?! Cool. Proceed:]

1. Yesterday to someone of our generation: "You mean to tell me you don't know the band Abba outside of their hit " Dancing Queen?!" Woah.  Not okay. You need to download their greatest hits album stat or else I'm not sure our friendship can continue."

2. To a young boy with long hair, dressed similarly to his younger sister in the sibling playroom at the children's hospital: "Well aren't you two sweet coordinated sisters!"

3. Along those same embarrassing lines, to a woman I completely misread from the backside entering the women's bathroom: "Oh sir - the men's is the other door!" (this one made me sick to my stomach for WEEKS. Needless to say, I held my pee and booked it out of there in shame).

4. To my boyfriend's amazing mom: "I just love that Erik is five years older than me - he will have to go through all of those milestones before me and I can be the young one!" - to which she sweetly replied with a giggle - "You do know I am five years older than Mike, right?"

5. To my sister who gained some pounds while she was studying abroad in Italy: "Lynnie, you don't look fat!! You look jolly! It's like, I can sort of see what you will look like when you're pregnant." She cried. 

And then the CLASSIC middle school (...it might have been high school, but whatever) questions I asked my Modern European teacher: "Um, wait - do people actually live in Egypt today?!" Followed up a few weeks later with - "What I don't understand is why the Romans never cleaned up the ruins - I mean, we clean up our disasters... why did they just let it sit there!?"

There you have it folks. Makes "finger pads" look like a bright and shining moment, doesn't it? Just goes to show your hair color, SAT score, GPA, income, title at your job or perfectionist personality does not guarantee you won't say stupid things, out loud, and in my case - relive them on the internet with my entire friend-base.

Then again - laughing at yourself can sometimes be exactly what you need to remember we are ALL human, and perhaps inspire you to have a little more grace for all of the humans around us (who might say stupid shit sometimes). It takes guts to be silly, and own up to those times when you didn't quite use your six senses (or even just one sense) to assess a situation. Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. Embrace that you're not perfect, and more importantly NEVER ASSUME SOMEONE'S GENDER. Ever.