Not in a New York state of mind

You, fair city, scare the shit out of me.

I was born in Newburgh, New York. For the first four years of my life, I was totally a New Yorker. I can see it now - toddler Jenny was as street as Sesame and as bad ass as orphan Annie, ready to conquer the world.

Then the softening began. First it was a subtle move to the small New England town of Newtown, CT. It was certainly a slower and sweeter way of life, but our proximity to the city meant frequent trips in and out of Manhattan, so much so that I was convinced I was going to attend NYU and become the next Broadway star. But at 15, in addition to the reality check that the Great White Way would not welcome my voice with the same standing ovation as my shower head, we moved to Cary, NC. That sweet, New England town was nothing compared to the sweet tea and warm sensibility of my new Southern home.

I have now officially been in the South for a decade, having moved to Nashville after college in NC. And I LOVE it. My blood has thinned, I have seamlessly integrated "y'all" into my vocabulary, and I can't say enough good things about the people, beauty and demeanor of the place I call home. It is a perfect fit for my personality. Don't get me wrong, I proudly claim my Northeast roots and I still have a special spot in my heart for the Big Apple. But now it is more like that long lost first love who in hindsight you see was all wrong for you, even though in the moment it seemed so right.

Proving some people DO smile in NYC.

This past week I traveled back to New York City for the first time in my adult life for both work and play. I celebrated Mother's day with my mom and sister under perfect skies, exploring the American Museum of Natural History and enjoying the breath-taking views of Central Park. We stayed at the swanky Empire Hotel overlooking Columbus Circle, and had some very delicious meals at Uva, The Smith and Porter House. I then kissed them goodbye and journeyed downtown to the financial district for the Mirren New Business Conference where I am learning a lot of great expertise in my craft and meeting some really cool people from around the country. And yet - I have never been more ready to come home (on Thursday to be exact). I simply didn't realize just how Southern I had become until coming back and experiencing the contrast.

What exactly do I mean?! Well, let's dig into just a few examples in a little list I'd like to call:  
Dear New York City - Why you do me like that?! 

1. This town is made for tiny little people with a shit ton of money - I swear, everything in this city is bite-sized, even when you are spending a good deal of cash on a hotel room or a meal. Tables in restaurants are squeezed within inches of each other, elevators are like phone booths and at one point, while simply trying to pee, I ended up kicking the hand-dryer on with my ass while I turned for toilet paper. In the hotel room, the standing shower didn't have a door and I dropped my toothpaste in the toilet, twice. I basically feel like My Giant trapped in an expensive glass case of frenetic emotion.

2. Mega phones are required for conversation - Piggy-backing on the small space issue, cram lots of people into these teeny spaces and you end up having to literally scream just to talk to the person across from you. It is exhausting, overwhelming, and strips the relaxation factor out of a nice dinner. You might escape to the tiny bathroom to hear yourself think, but then you end up kicking shit on with your ass again. There is simply no reprieve.

They say one positive outweighs 12 negatives. I give you four.

3. Ear plugs are essential to sleep - The honking just never stops and they are not "toot toots" - they are blown with the fury of a beast. The first night it was a cacophony of aggressive horn-blowing ALL NIGHT LONG. I know what you're thinking - duh, Jenny. It is a city and you're in a popular area on a Saturday night - what did you expect? BUT OH MY WORD. Take a car. Sit it outside your bedroom window. Then pay someone (which would be equivalent to paying a ton of money for a hotel room [thanks mom!]) to sit in your car and LAY ON THE HORN in five-Mississippi-second intervals. Feel free to mix up the duration of the beep. Some short, some long... quite the lullaby.

4. The New York State of Mind is... how shall I put this lightly.... NOT warm and fuzzy - Please forgive the sweeping generalization - I know there are a lot of warm and charming people here, but I have sadly not run into them. Instead, I just keep getting run into by a lot by people who don't look up and don't smile. I am literally like frogger just trying to avoid being blasted into by a complete stranger. And if you small talk or make little jokes to connect, people here just stare at you blankly likely you forgot to put on pants. Yet, no one is bashful or afraid of a fight. The lady at Starbucks was simultaneously taking my order as she was telling off her colleague and at the baggage claim upon my arrival, one lady was prepping to jump a old woman who was blocking her view. I swear getting my bag was like trying to get a lifeboat on the Titanic. 

5. Smells are everywhere. Some good. Some very very bad... all the smells. Turn one corner and you might whiff the delicious scents wafting from a food truck. Or you might smell a burning bag of dog poop. If you are not someone prepared for all smells at all times, this is not the city for you.

There are so many wonders to good old New York and I am sure once adjusting to the ways of the streets they would transform into a yellow brick road of awesome. But for me, I am proudly a Southern girl who wouldn't trade Music City for the Big Apple any day (unless I was cast in a Broadway musical... I mean, let's get real).

So, it seems I have reaffirmed once again, there truly is no place like home (or Disney World... just felt like that needed to be clarified).