just STOOOOP with all the second-hand embarrassment

I am not going to lie, I have been struggling a bit with this season for a few reasons: 

1. The normal factor: Andi is pretty normal so far. There is really not much to say about her other than the fact I wish she would stop saying STOOOOP to everything and that those little spaces in her teeth didn't exist - but let's get real, that's just plain nit-picky. She can be dramatic, but it is a reality show and I have to commend her for at least engaging the guys in real conversation - we are not used to that so early on, and it is quite refreshing.

He is so handsome... they need to STOOOP torturing us

2. The ghost factor: Eric is by far my top contender and it is seriously gut-wrenching and heart breaking for me to listen to his dreams of a family knowing none of those dreams got to come true. He is so charming and authentic, and for how good looking and well-traveled he is, he isn't the least bit conceited. While I understand that ABC wants to honor his contribution to the show, it is hard to watch such a seemingly great guy start a romantic journey, knowing that he was tragically taken too soon.

3. The closet factor: I am having a hard time believing that some of these guys actually like women... yes, I mean as opposed to men. Lot's of weird vibes being passed around this season. Call it bromantic if you'd like... but I'm calling it a little gay.

At this point, there are 19 guys left (10 of which bat for the other team) and an enthusiastic Andi is super excited to start dating these guys and learn all about them. Guess who else is excited to learn more - ME! Turns out after catching up on the first half hour of the premiere, we missed NOTHING. The guys background stories were cut out of the season entirely. Weird decision, ABC. I would have much rather watched some cheesy b-roll of dudes in their "natural habitat" than see Grandpapa LL Cool J try to arrest party crasher Chris. Anywho, I digress.

HIGHLIGHT REEL:

• Chris Harrison tries to bring back the phrase "wassup fellas" and in turn, needs to do a skin check. 
• Eric gets the first one-on-one date and charms us all as he and Andi fly kites on the beach and later snowboard down Bear mountain - climate change brought to you by helicopter. 
• They are greeted by a snowboarder, who slowly takes off his helmet to reveal he is someone famous in the snowboard world (I don't feel like googling). I was secretly hoping it was going to be Chris Harrison with a rose... hah.
• Eric and Andi are very cute together and we learn a lot about Eric on this date. See the ghost factor above for how I feel about all this. I was very surprised they didn't kiss, unless they did and the editors cut it out, which is possible given the sensitivity to the circumstance.
• DeAnna Pappas dropped in for a horribly-acted product placement for Suave. Tons of second-hand embarrassment ensues.
• Andi had fun with Eric but she really missed the 14 other guys she has only known for two minutes a piece, so instead of spending any real quality time with them, she is instead going to get to know them better by sending them off to learn how to become strippers for charity.
• Cody is so roided up it's gross to watch. He may not be into boys per se, but he loves himself more than he could ever love another. 
• Craig unleashes his "personality" which includes stuffing his pants with a sock and literally

  

  "Oh heyyy!" Exhibit A. Need I say more?

  obsessing over Josh M's hot body.
• Chris Harrison just spanked a guys ass.... is everyone turning gay?! WHAT IS IN THE VODKA THIS SEASON?!
• Marcus stands out as a real sweetheart - humble, yet willing to put himself out there and have fun. Andi is on the same page with my assessment and gives him the rose. 
• The after party took Craig's crotch-stuffing to the next level. He drowns his sorrows with the entire contents of an ABC store in an attempt to reconcile the fact he signed up for this show thinking Andi was short for Andrew. 
• Andi, likely coaxed by the producers, takes the Craig chaos and blows it out into some sweeping concern that these guys aren't here for the right reason. This show's formula is getting so transparent. It was one dude who you never even liked from the beginning because you know, just as we do, that he is more attracted to Josh than he is to you. Stop milking it as if you discovered all 14 guys in an orgy. Although - honestly, at this point I wouldn't be shocked if that happened either. 
• Who was the other guy in the swim trunks in the pool with Craig? How come none of the attention was on him? Perhaps it was Chris Harrison joining in on the fun to stir the pot?!
• Chris, the farmer from Iowa, gets the second one-on-one date. He gets dressed up and says he

  

  She is totally bored.

  feels like pretty woman.... He is super excited and very sweet, but I don't think he has the spark or swagger Andi is looking for. The date at the race tracks was pretty vanilla. 
• They looked good, they bid on horses, they had a very staged conversation with a couple who was married for 50 years about how to make love last. I threw up a little in my mouth. 
• They shared some peck-like bird kisses while a depressing band played a song called "Am I meant to be alone?" In a nutshell - she is probably lusting after Josh M. the whole time but is really REALLY trying to ignite her loins by the presence of this sweet farmer. It's not working... "nice" doesn't win this show.
• At the rose ceremony Nick V. makes a sweet impression and I think he will get a one-on-one soon.
• Marquel's fashion is extremely questionable.... there is metro and then there is circus clown and Marquel is definitely walking that line.
• Andi and Josh make out during their one-on-one time, which is a not surprising. Craig cries somewhere in the corner having missed out on his chance with Josh.
• Craig tries to serenade Andi and I fast forward because I have had enough second-hand embarrassment tonight. 
• The guys going home are Carl - the firefighter - who handled his exit very gracefully. Nick S is shocked and is trying to not totally freak and break down (staying calm is critical for his hair-line at this point.. deep breaths) and Craig, who will miss the guys more than Andi.

Side note: I think Andi should have pulled Craig aside and been HONEST instead of using the over-drinking as a cop out. She should have explained that while the drinking was not cool, it was bigger than that - it was a lack of chemistry - it was a lurking feeling that he might not have a desire for women - just so he doesn't fester over that one night that "ruined his chances of finding true love". He was never in the running but now, instead of coming out of the closet, the guy is going to sign up for AA meetings....

Next week is a double header which I will combine into a highlight reel post on Wednesday! Until then!