The road to faith.

The Christmas decorations have all been put away, closing out one of the best Christmas seasons I have had to date, and yet today feels magical all the same. I figured days like these would be over and done now that I am living in the South (or thought I was...) in the real world with a real job that would not simply stop the moment a snow flurry is detected in the sky. But it seems days like these are still possible as I watch the flurries whiz around outside my window, curled up on the couch still in my pajamas working from home. And the truth is, I think I needed a day like today to simply sit, reflect (manage my work emails of course ;) and finally take the time to update this blog.

2010 is over. Wow. And in so many ways - Thank God! It was such a crazy roller coaster year and to close that chapter and start a fresh new year with so many uphill climbs behind me is so thrilling. I am so thankful that the three big goals I had for the year - 1. Graduate with high honors. 2. Move to Nashville and get a job. 3. Keep my sanity and happiness in tact throughout the process - were all accomplished. Of course #3 was variable, but happiness and sanity are never guarentees, and generally speaking both were present more often than not.

But if you told me one year ago what all of that would take and how emotional the in-between would be, I think I would have froze in doubt. The beauty of hindsight is being able to appreciate how far we have come and look back on the path in pure awe of not only how strong we had to be to get there, but how much faith it took to hang on for the ride.

We all live life one day at a time. True, our mind might be a million steps ahead with "plans" but the truth is, we do not have a fortune teller or a crystal ball telling us certainties of the future. We are unprepared for so much, regardless of how much we toil, plan and attempt to foresee. So looking back at those days - even just the 365 of 2010 - is the most incredible testament of not only how much we can handle, but of how much is truly out of our control.

For someone like me, who loves to think she is in control of every aspect of her life, 2010 was a perfect balance of events. In many circumstances I took the reigns and I made things happen. I worked hard in school, I pursued my contacts, I landed a job and I moved to Nashville. But so much of the incredible sequence of events that got me here I have to give up to God and his plan.

There was a great deal of self assessment that went on this year. Areas in which I failed certain people that I care about. Times when I should have made different choices or spoke different words. Or just not have spoken at all. Or even times when I put myself second (or even third) when I should have put myself first. There were dips in the ride that I never anticipated that stretched me - far - really far - like, Stretch Armstrong far. Those days were not fun. They were dark, but now they are just dim pockets that do not bring me down, but rather have helped me to shed light on areas in which I can grow.

I am not a perfect person which is why I feel so blessed that I have the family, friends and support system in my life that have allowed for those imperfections to be opportunities to be better and not episodes to harp on (or try not to harp on - but if anyone knows me, they know I am a harper, and sometimes I care way to much. (The book - Don't sweat the small stuff - yeah. It's about me). 

The coolest thing I realized this year was how much of this plan that I thought I mapped out for myself, was really all in God's hands. Let me explain in a little digression I like to call -



"My Life in a Not - So Nutshell. Read it Anyways."

I moved to NC at 15 and one of my first high school friends ended up going to school at Lipscomb Univ. - a private college in Nashville. Hearing she would be moving away was the first time I had given any thought to the city other than knowing it was the home of CMT and country music, which I loved. I kept in touch with her and decided to visit her Freshman year - my first trip to Nashville. It opened my eyes up to all the potential for me in this city. My junior year of college I wanted a big time internship on the resume and I was determined to spend my summer doing something great. Nashville was in my heart and Jill was my connection, room and board that allowed me to live there for the summer and intern at CMT - a dream come true. Jill was placed in my life as a friend, catalyst and safety net in this leap of faith.

That summer I made many contacts, loved my work with CMT and absolutely adored this town. That same summer, I also worked at a production company in which I became close with an incredible producer and after liking my work at the 2009 CMT Awards she asked me back to be a PA for the 2010 awards - a two week job that sealed my move to Nashville. With Jill, I lived in Brentwood - where I now work. I worked out at the Maryland Farms YMCA - a place that is now a part of my daily routine across the street from my office. And I met some incredible friends - people who are my best friends today. Little did I know that summer, God was laying down the building block for my future life here.

One year ago today I was back in Nashville interning at Big Machine Records, figuring out if this was a place I definitely wanted to call home following graduation. I met a girl named Kathleen (who is now my roommate) and bummed a couch living with J and M (who lived off the same exit that my current apartment is). I was living in the snow globe that is Nashville in January (days much like today). I was stressed out on a daily basis wondering how I was going to make the most awesome four week sabbatical from my college life in NC my real world. If only I could have had more faith, I might not have been so stressed out. But that is not in my nature. I am pretty sure stress for me is like Gatorade for most people - it fuels me. (Unhealthy. I know.) I also started attending Crosspoint Church - now a place that I call my church home and have settled into a small group of some of my closest friends. 

Then in April, I flew back to Nashville and went to a job fair I found out about only because I had attended a church service every so often during my summer interning here that was hosting the event. On my last day of interviews before heading to the airport, and almost too exhausted to even show up to some "job fair" I came to a booth for the company I now work for, and love.

My point in rehashing all of this is not to bore you with my life story but to prove the point that - all of this was God's preparation. God's plan. I now see that the puzzle pieces all fit so perfectly but at the time I had a magnified glass to each piece.

We all know how dependent I am on my GPS. I live by it. I love it. And I am not ashamed to put all of my faith in the little British lady I affectionately named Princess Peach (because she rocks the courses in Mario Kart, thus she earned the title) to tell me where to go. I wish I could trust God the same way. The difference is, I put in the end point address in the GPS. I  have the knowledge of knowing exactly where I am going to end up, which allows me to let go along the ride. Life doesn't work that way. You don't always know where you are going to end up, but I would like to be able to live life with the kind of safety and calmness I feel in my car when Princess Peach leads the way.

So for 2011 I am challenging myself to have more patience and ultimately more faith. To take more deep breaths and to work through the hard times cushioned by the comfort of knowing that I can and will get through them. When I take a wrong turn, the GPS says "recalculating," and it tells me a new route. God will do the same thing in my life, if I just have faith. Worry is for the weak of faith and if I have learned anything in 2010, it is that all of my wasted energy on worry was really just that - a waste.

Now, for some fun, I am going to list my top moments of 2010 [in chronological order]:

Dinner in Asheville just me and my parents at that awesome Italian restaurant - the windy walk was well worth it.

Driving my brand new car to Nashville in January for my internship and ghost ridin with J and MA.

Shenanigans in Jamaica on the cruise during Spring break. Two words. Chicken Fried. 

The look on Sal's face when I gave him the signed picture of Taylor Swift for his birthday. 

Walking across the stage on graduation and hearing my last name pronounced correctly.

Getting my first real paycheck in my professional career.

Spending a day at Arrington Vineyard with the girls enjoying Nashville summer days.  With wine.

Fourth of July with Monica downtown - One year prior I had promised myself in that moment that I would be a Nashville resident Independence Day 2010. And I actually did it!

Meeting Lydon and going to Stretch small group at Cross Point Church.

Vising my sister in Boston over Labor Day with my parents - highlight - laughing about how I mistook a midget for a small child - Whoops. 

Looking around the dinner table of friends on my 22nd birthday.

Mama and me time in Nashville at the Opryland Resort at Christmas time. 

Singing with a stadium of people a capella at the Garth Brooks concert.

Waking up to six inches of snow with my entire family on Christmas break.

Christmas dinner with Ike and his family.

Ringing in 2011 with Brooke.

Dancing. Any moment in which I am dancing, I am pretty certain that moment is at the top of this list.

And to all of my dance partners in crime - I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

2011. I am ready for you. I am excited for you. I have faith in you. Bring it.