Peeling Clementines while driving.... And other things I do not reccommend.

Yesterday, as I was driving home, I decided to eat a clementine, which naturally had to be peeled. So in my stubborn, can't-wait-until-I-get-home nature (and because I have been famished every moment of every day this week), I started to un-peel the clementine. Yes - I was able to do it because I have mad skills, but this is something I would absolutely NOT recommend doing while operating heavy machinery. Can you imagine getting pulled over not for speeding, texting, or putting on make-up, but for peeling an orange? I am not sure the cop would know how to cite that on the ticket... let's not find out.

Anyways, this little incident/challenge /moment of stupidity that had me giggling at myself (as I typically do) while combating stop and go traffic down Old Hickory, got me to thinking about other things that I do that I would not reccommend other people do... ever.

So let's begin with the top ten things I do, that you should not:

1. Saying the word "baller" in the work place. Something about working at a Christian company should make this a no-brainer. Somehow, this is still my word of choice to express happiness.

2. Texting in the Kroger aisles after 5pm. Warning - do not under any circumstances think that texting is appropriate so long as you are not behind the wheel. Because I will tell you what - Kroger after 5pm is like some kind of mecca in my town. It is packed with people stocking up for bread and water for the inch of snow we might possibly get ten days from now. And that kind of survival of the fittest mentality can get hostile. If you text behind the cart, you will get cut.

3. Telling someone you are going to call and then not doing it. Oh wait - I don't do this. Stupid boys do.

4. Share with the CEO of your company the details of your love life - or lack thereof. I am an open book - clearly. But there comes a point when even on a road trip certain things should not be shared to the Oprah of your career. Meanwhile he is probably tweeting to the masses that @jennybcupero is pathetic. I mean he tweeted:  Trying to see how long @jennybcupero can hold it before our next stop. She looks like a pretzel in the back seat. 4 more miles! 11:51 AM Jan 24th So nothing surprises me. 

5. Avoid using the stove at all costs: I microwave or panini-press practically anything hot that I consume. The stove absolutely frightens me. I often times feel like it is mocking me saying, "I will burn you and the house down if you turn me on for anything other than chocolate chip cookies." It's probably right.

6. Pretend you visited a place you have actually never been: Saturday night, cute British guy - talking about places I went to while studying abroad. When he told me he was from North Hampton, without thinking I acted completely like I knew where that was and had been there. In my defense, I usually have been to places I don't actually remember the name or street address of because I am geographically challenged. Come to find, it is some obscure town in the middle of no where that no one ever visits - imagine his shock when the random tourist American claims it was lovely there.... Lying is bad.

7. Eat three fiber one bars in a day. Enough said.

8. Grunt and dance like a crazy person while at the gym. Oh wait - that's not me either. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. Lock those moves up. Save them for Jillian Michael's at home DVD.

9. Prematurely file your taxes. Yep. Mom called today - another W2 form came in for a job I definitely had in 2010 but completely forgot, and probably blocked out because it was kind of miserable. Just sent my form out yesterday and had to figure out and complete three additional forms to reconcile the issue. That was definitely NOT baller.

10. Blog about the intimate details of your life. Pretty certain these entries will come back to bite me in the butt - reason #3 why I am not running for President (#1 and #2 are pretty obvious - I don't watch the news and DC has a lot of snow). But honesty and laughter are key ingredients to making my life a happy place. I hope you would agree.