We're not in Nashville anymore....

COUNT THEM. 5.

Last night I was ripped out of my Honky Tonk haze as I experienced a sampler platter of true pop culture - the American Music Awards. Don't get me wrong, I can get down with a little Call Me Maybe and while Nicki Minaj's pillow-top ass and even larger attitude still baffles me, her jams are great dancing songs. I am not completely removed from top 40 music by any means if not for the variety, for the fact that I love the sound of Ryan Seacrest's voice on the radio. But last night's award's show still left me with many thoughts as I watched the show that I want to share with you.
[Disclaimer - some of these comments may make you questions my musical coolness. I am aware and I accept it]. 

1. Usher is still popular? And apparently he is now a contemporary robot dancer. And he is lip synching. Cool. But I am glad to see the the 90's handsfree mics are still in fashion. He was rocking it B Spears style - it's only there for show, with the built in freedom to lock and drop it. 

2.  Carly Rae Jepsen is NOT going to sing power ballad Call Me Maybe?... oh wait... here it comes. Thank GOD. What would this awards show be without this lyrical gem.

This was just emotional. Nothing but love.

3. Kelly Clarkson is unreal. Her voice is just flawless tonight. And Catch My Breath is a fist pumping musical treat. Let's get real for a minute. The montage made me teary-eyed. Thinking back on my days actually voting for American Idol on a land-line phone. THROW BACK. But someone needs to fire her stylist stat and tell her that flock of seagulls hair style should stay in the 80's forever.

4. Gwen Stefani is a vampire. The woman NEVER ages.

FGL ON TV! PRESENTING!

5. Finally - some true country boys representing - THE Florida Georgia Line - presented Taylor Swifts performance and looked amazing doing it. So proud and in awe of how quickly they are climbing up the charts. Seems like just yesterday we were listening to them play in Jordan and MaryAnn's living room. Surreal.

Taylor Coordinated and a Carter Twin.

6. Woah. Stop it. Just wait. Is this really happening?! Taylor Swift is singing AND looks coordinated. And there was only ONE CHOREOGRAPHED HAIR FLIP. Can it be?!? I am not feeling uncomfortable or experiencing second-hand embarrassment.  Am I being punked? Side note: The little masquerade blondie boy looks like a Carter Twin (which P.S. I saw one in church today).

7. Nicki Minaji's wig makes me want cotton candy. And her ass makes me feel skinny.

8. Dang, the song hasn't even started and Pink is upside down already. This is going to be good. Who knew she was Dancing With the Stars material?! She is really singing while she is dancing. See - its possible! There's fire, and glass. And she is balancing a muscle man on her pelvis. I am just in awe.

Breathtaking.

9. ALL FIVE BSB BACK TOGETHER AGAIN? [blackout]  I couldn't tell you if that segment was exciting. I just saw Kevin and lost my shit.

10. Nick Carter just told Carly Rae to Call Him Maybe. LUCKY! That is my 1996 dream come true.

11. Difference between Nashville and everywhere else. In Nashville we play our own guitars. Biebs. You don't need a hands-free mic if you are just going to sit there gesticulating with your little boy hands and grabbing your couch a lot. And stealing Usher's entire dance break. [Hush hush you super fans. I am not a hater. I love the Biebs - it just had to be said].

Justin's thoughts: Are you carrying a small child in your ass?

12. Nicki Minaj just rapped about Selena. Twitter is about to BLOW UP. And I think her ass might too.

13. Heard from backstage - "Quick! producers - turn the mic on at the end of every performance so the audience hears breathing and assumes the performer actually sang the whole song."

Biebs should wear this underwear to make sure his crouch is secure.

14. Christina Aguilera is even lip synching... and she is dressed like a Pepto Bismol fairy...wait.. until she is lowered down from the pile of questionable men and descends from the trailer..... Spray tan. Check. Dominatrix trailer park. Check. Glittery stockings, Check. And now its a drag queen show. Wow. This must be what taking acid is like (which I wouldn't know. I might as well have a D.A.R.E. bumper sticker on my forehead).

15. Hey I am not sure if you guys noticed - it's been pretty discrete - but the BRAND NEW Samsung Galaxy phone is sponsoring this show. I know. Shocking insider information. You're welcome.

16.  "Everyday is your birthday. Now hit the floor. And dance like a black girl." Wow. I can't believe that is a lyric of our generation's popular music. And yet... OKAY! Noted and done.

17. And here comes Hayden Panera-bread who thinks she is music royalty now that she is auto-tuned in an ABC series. She drives me nuts.

18. Who the hell is Tyga?

19. Carrie rocked her deep squat sway and stomp during her flawless performance and she is a winner! Good for her. But I'm worried about her marriage. Hubs got a quick hug and then he got "pursed."

An epic talent and the next "Hair Club for Men" spokesperson

20. I love Dick Clark. Stevie Wonder is amazing but his dreads are receding.

21. Biebs wins again. His mom looks 25... explain that math to me. And he is speechless and it's a little painful - and you can tell he is trying to get out some declaration to his "haters" and all of those Team Selena, but can't seem to find the words... someone cut him off...

22. After that winning performance of Gangnam Style, I dreamed in Japanese. 

Final statistics: 
Number of Backstreet Boys: 5 (still peeing my pants on that one)
Number of Justin Bieber Crouch Grabs: 17 (Justin. You are not Michael Jackson. Therefore, you either need to see a doctor, get leather skinny pants with more support or just cut it out).
Number of lip synched performances: Too many to count
Number of Nicki Minaj wigs: Too many to count
Number of shots Luke Bryan had after winning and before presenting: Too many to count

Overall friends it was quite the show. Many songs have now officially been added to my car ride with sister playlist (this is when we drive around just so we have a sound free area to sing our faces off, and scare others on the road with our enthusiasm). Hope you had a chance to check it out, and if not - well now, you get the idea.

Some things never change...

The greatest friends in the world.

When I look at the calendar, I simply cannot believe it is already that time of year again. A time to be thankful, celebrate with friends and family and enjoy the magic of the holidays. This time of year makes me feel reflective as I turn one year older in just a few weeks, and look back on how much has changed since this time last year. 

If you had told me then how radically different things would be, I would have laughed at you! A new job at one of the top ad agencies in Nashville, and a swanky new apartment in my favorite neighborhood - a lot has changed, and I am very thankful. I guess in the process of processing all of that change, I neglected to write about it. And let's be honest. I needed to take some time away to really digest and come to terms with the break-up - I really thought Emily and Jef were gonna make it, you guys. Just breaks my heart Barbie and One F couldn't have the "love the storybooks are jealous of..." Until next season!

A CheeseMas Tree - hybrid love.

So in light of all of this recent change, I have decided to make a list of the top 10 things that have NOT changed. Because let's be honest, sometimes the best comfort is found in the things you can always count on.

10. I love Christmas. In fact, my Christmas tree is already up. And naturally, I am having a Christmas movie marathon on Sunday with my pseudo roommate Emma who I convinced to move to into my apartments so she could my friend.

9. I am very persuasive. See #10.

8. I am always a fan of a good costume party - whether it is Halloween during which I morphed into a Leprechaun and a Bunny, or more recently at 1920's flapper for our Thanksgiving Murder Mystery Party, it has been a fun two months masquerading around music city.

Celebrity sighting - Celine and Barbara.

7. My sister absolutely rocks. She turns 26 this Thursday on Thanksgiving and no doubt I am truly thankful for her and looking forward to having quality sister time. Cheese will be consumed. Celine Dion will be belted. Wine will be inhaled. I can't wait.

Port Burton - love at first sight.

6. Babies make me very happy, and especially one in particular. Ginny gave birth to baby Port who is such a precious addition to the Burton clan.

5.  Food is my first love - my boyfriends - Ben and Jerry and of course (Bar) Louie have certainly been partners in crime keeping me oh so happy. (Mission: become professional enough at eating to make the grade C celebrity list so I can be on Dancing With The Stars. Stay tuned).

THE ZAC of ZZB!

4.  Music City is my second love - where else can you run into a free Zac Brown Band show at your local midtown bar?

Figure 1.

3. I know how to break it down. And I do. Often.  [Please reference figure 1 for evidentiary support].

2. Brunettes have more fun.  [Please reference figure 1 for evidentiary support].

Figure 2

1. Spoons make the best microphones. [Please reference figure 2 for evidentiary support].

And then there is that big thing that hasn't changed that doesn't exactly give me comfort - the presidency. But oh well - let's NOT get into that can of worms. Instead I will just reference #5 as my coping mechanism.

Let me be the first to say Happy Holiday's friends! Can't wait to celebrate (and eat cheese) with all of you.

If ONLY verizon wireless had a cable service.

More like, att&t U-suck

[Preface: I know these are "first world problems" and that children are starving in Africa and that I should be grateful to have a roof over my head. And I am - if you know me, you know that. But we all have moments we just need to express our frustrations with a little comic relief...]

Dear Customer Service Reps at ATT U-verse:

Hi. My name is Jenny Cupero. Oh wait, you know that because we have spoken on the phone every single day for the past week, sometimes more than once a day. You all have asked me for my phone number far more times this week than any man at a any bar ever has. I'm not flattered. Do you not have caller id? I was thinking about putting your number on my speed dial and then I remembered, why bother when I already have it memorized. In fact, it flies from my fingers with rage. I have your automated man's questions also memorized. NO! I don't remember my account number. YES!  This is a home. HOME! I said HOME! No, I do not want to push "2 / dos" to have this read to me in espanol. TECHNICAL SUPPORT. TECHNICAL FREAKIN SUPPORT. I hope automated man doesn't have feelings because if he does, I crapped all over them.

Then after automated man and I have our small talk, you finally get on the phone. Sometimes I understand what you're saying, and sometimes I most certainly do not. You, however, say you completely understand my frustrations? Well that is great - but unless you also understand that a lot has been going on in my life and ALL I WANT is to be able to watch Real FREAKIN Housewives to feel like my life, in fact, is perfect in comparison - you really DON'T UNDERSTAND my frustration. Once we get through the potential language barrier, you ask me for my phone number again. Did automated man not send you the message? He sucks at communicating. I think I'm going to break up with him. What is the problem, you ask? Well the problem is after having my box installed on Friday of last week, it has persisted to punk out every single day since the installation. Your technicians and I have shared deep conversations as I get pulled away from work for hours to let them into the apartment. We laugh, we cry. We commiserate over a tub of Ben and Jerry's, but do we fix the problem? No. We cannot. Because you sent me the wrong technician, or the wrong equipment, or simply don't show up at all during my time window. Oh and let's not forget how special the highly informative and courteous text message I received at 7pm on Thursday after four days of "fixing the problem" that said "still wrking on prob." I might have teared up in the middle of TJ Maxx.

What is even better - truly the cherry on top - is that after celebrating the resolution of this hot mess just this past Friday - one whole week of daily ATT interruptions to my Bravo addiction later - the entire city of Nashville ends up having a Uverse outage on the night of the Emmy Awards leaving me again with no cable.

No, I don't want to take up reading. Yes, this IS A BIG DEAL. When you are living alone for the first time in your entire life during fall premiere season, and you are sick of stuffing mac and cheese in your face for comfort, you just want a little cable.

So what can you do for me since I am completely STUCK WITH YOU since my building won't let me go to the lesser of two evils, Comcast? I'm thinking the friends and family discount, since I call you people more than I call my mom. I'm thinking that perhaps you all could get your shit together so that I can attempt to cope using cable to get my shit together. And I'm also thinking that it would be really awesome if I didn't have to speak to you anymore. It's been fun and real kind of cute, but I'm over it, so please. PLEASE, do something that makes me NOT want to throw a knife through the phone. I'm really a nice girl. Don't make me use my new tazer.

Sincerely, and with the utmost patience and gratitude,
Jenny

Ch Ch Ch Changes.....

I live at you. Whoop.

As the leaves begin to color and fall, and the air sharpens, I start to realize more and more that summer is fleeting. There is always a sadness that accompanies the end of summer for me. I can't help mourning the loss of bright evenings, beach trips, flip flips and flirty dresses. With a turn of the calendar month, a shift in the fashion and a new season upon us, I also find myself turning the page and laying the foundation in my life for a new chapter. Creating a new normal takes a lot of work and the beginning is often the hardest place to start. But ready or not, change just comes.

The new job has certainly been kicked into full swing as I continue to navigate through the challenges and excitement of working on a rapidly evolving national client. I am learning the ropes, the culture, the nuances of personalities, and yet, every day I wake up still unsure as to what the heck I am doing and what the work day will bring. I am trying to see this as exciting instead of intimidating, but like the temperature around this time of year, my feelings certainly fluctuate on that front.

Not only is the job a new path, but I also FINALLY moved into my new apartment after a very long and tiring journey. I now officially live just a half mile away from my office, in the heart of my favorite Nashville neighborhood. My dream of living on my own, in my favorite city, just steps away from the energy of it all, is unfolding before me, and it is so thrilling. I will admit, it is also very overwhelming trying to make my house a home when all I brought to it was a kick ass mattress and a box of mac and cheese. Some mornings I feel like a kid back at summer camp, waking up slightly unsure of where I am, only to remember I'm not quite home. It takes time, but it is certainly coming along, and I cannot wait to have a house-warming party once I have all of the finishing touches put on.

Things I have learned from living alone for the first time: 

1. Customer service phone reps and I will never be true friends. I try, and try and try again to be sweet and patient, but after one too many 800 numbers, on-hold musical snacks, and redirects, I have decided this relationship is simply not repairable.

2. Cable is my non-culinary equivalent to cheese, and they have been withholding cable from me for far too long. As I am sure you can imagine, this has not been going over well and my season 1 - 10 of Friends is wearing out. Install on Friday - thank the sweet Lord.

3. Big girls in the big city still need their mama. Luckily mine is coming this weekend to help decorate and to teach me how to use kitchen applicances other than the microwave and ingredients other than cheese and crackers now that I have a big kitchen all to myself.

4. Which reminds me - you don't have to label your food in the refrigerator or worry that someone is going to swipe or throw away your grub "by accident". You also get to use THE WHOLE FRIDGE. So when things expire, you have full permission to throw the repugnant item away. This is great news.

5. I want to equip my home with a taser since I am a newly single gal who should not be trusted with a real gun, but does not think a bat will do the trick. I am looking into it.

Something I also realized not-apartment related, is that I am a fabulous painter when taken step by step through the process, and guzzling wine. This process is very symbolic of my life right now - I am just painting step one as we speak, but I know the end result will be a masterpiece.

So yes - a lot of changes. But they are all blessings that are challenging me to grow and take life by the balls and forge ahead. And you best believe, that is exactly what I intend to do.

Vegas Vacation

My peeps. The Dion Family.

Woah.

I don't know where to begin. August has been such a crazy and awesome month. And by awesome I mean there where days that were great - like Weston's 25th birthday celebration - and days that were surreal - like winning a jackpot in Vegas - and days that flat out sucked - like spending last night cleaning out my toilet and a refrigerator that had not been disinfected in four years.

So as you can imagine I have been busy. I could write paragraphs monologuing my month, day by day. You would tune out, right about now, and go over to Thought Catalogue for an actually entertaining read. BUT STAY WITH ME. I promise. I'm only going to focus on the August highlights, starting with VEGAS!

Top 5 moments of the the real Las Vegas:

Surprise. We're related.

1. I changed my name to Jenny Dion. The show was amazeballs. Celine's voice is liquid gold. No, wait. Re-do. Her voice is like fondue - chocolate and/or cheese dipped in baguettes that when digested, turn into gold that enters your bloodstream and makes you a superhuman. Yes, she could sing word-of-the-day toilet paper and it would shake me to the core, but add in an orchestra, Stevie Wonder holograms, amazing gowns and a Vegas-style production and what you have left is a dream come true. With the exception of the cranky beotch who, within the first five minutes of the concert, screamed at me that she paid "$250 DOLLARS FOR THESE SEATS" and we better "SHUT UP!" So I said - "I'm sorry? Celine fans don't say shit like that beotch, and I paid $500 dollar for this seat (lie) so you got a deal - congrats. Enjoy the concert!"
[Confession: I didn't really say that. But that is what I WISH I had said upon further reflection].
I LOVE YOU CELINE. 

Me and Prince Harry partying it up.

2.Vegas is like Disney world for adults AND there are no open container laws. Aka, I am in love. We stayed at the Venetian Hotel in a luxurious suite over-looking the strip, sleeping above Italian inspired shopping, cuisine and a replica of Saint Mark's Square. The resorts in Vegas are simply out of this world extravagant from indoor waterfalls, to Rodeo-drive styled shopping malls to palace-like decor. We walked all up and down the strip of Sin City from buffet to buffet, working off our gluttonous behavior by dipping in and out of the casinos, riding roller-coasters, lounging poolside just feet away from Ryan Lochte and Prince Harry. And for all of those wondering - no I am not the woman in Prince Harry's pictures. No, I did not see his butt. No, I did not race Ryan Lochte in a pool.

I was too busy winning a Jackpot....

Cirque du Soleil's latest: Freak Show

3. On our last night I had $40 left to gamble after losing $200 playing craps and spending friggin $40 on two strawberry daiquiris poolside. (Let's just say I was not having the same luck I had in Tunica). So naturally, I put all of my money into a high limit slot machine, since I am clearly a high roller with luck on her side. I then did a max bet spending all of the cash in one spin. It was like I blacked out and lost all sense of the value of money. Well thank goodness I did because on that first spin I hit a jackpot for $1800 in the beautiful Wynn hotel (my absolute favorite). We were freaking out. I kept screaming - GET OUT MY MONEY! GET IT OUT! CASH OUT! CASH OUT! I dont want to lose it! MOM HOW DO I CASH OUT?!?! The machine is blaring the ring-aling sounds I believe you hear as you enter heaven, as the attendant walked over thinking - Oh God - this chick belongs in a circus. It was by far the most surreal moment watching the 18 hundred dollars bills be placed in my hand. So, yeah. I'm rich now. No big deal.

Every hour on the hour.

4. My wallet is not the only thing that came back heavier. Since I rarely have any culinary self-control in Nash Vegas, lord knows I had ZERO in the real Las Vegas. The food was absolutely amazing. Every meal we had was simply mouth-watering, and the atmosphere's were dream-like. My favorite meal had to be the Wicked Spoon buffet in the Cosmopolitan hotel - unreal. They had a gelato station with 16 different kinds of gelato. And the most amazing gnocchi. They had to ask me to leave, until they realized I was only still sitting there because I was so full, I literally couldn't walk out.

5. The best part was being able to spend real quality time with my crazy, wonderful, slightly dysfunctional and yet perfect family. It was the original four back in action and I loved every second (even when Lynn and I were fighting WW3 style over who would have the last bite of macaroni and cheese).

I took this. Aka I googled it. Besties at TAO.

Man. We didn't get a chance to talk about mine and Lynn's attempt to night-club where the Kardashion's go (we are just not made for that kind of "clubbing") or the Colbie Caillat concert on the beaches of Mandalay Bay OR the amazing drinks and dinner lake show at the GORGEOUS (want to live there forever) Wynn hotel. It was such an amazing trip and we have the best parents in the world to make it all happen.

That was only five days of August. We still have so much to talk about. I moved into a new apartment - I KNOW! And people are starting to think I'm cool at work - WOO! And I am going to podunk Alabama to help execute a Dollar General Grand Opening Event this weekend - Yay? We will discuss all of this next time, because you're over my life by now, and I get that.

Thank you for reading. You now have permission to go back to stalking someone on facebook.

Hug me.

Me.

I need a hug. I am not even sure why, I think sometimes people just need to be hugged at certain moments and right now, I am having one of those moments. But I'm new to this office, and I can't just go up to someone here and be like - hey, I'm having a moment, and I'd really like a hug. Because they'd be looking at me like I was bat sh*t cray. And I'm not down for getting the "touchy feely weird girl" reputation in my new digs. And I certainly don't want people thinking I am having some kind of fourth week breakdown, because that would probably not appear particularly professional.

Why do I need a hug, you ask? Well I had a psycho dream last night - the kind that makes you feel like someone might have slipped some acid into your lean cuisine. I woke up feeling really exhausted and emotional. And it was raining, but I went to the Ultimate Cardio class despite the rain and woofed my way through. And I'm here at work now, and well - I feel like I have been through a lot.

Maybe I should try giving myself a hug.
Just tried it. It was a nice arm and back stretch. Not really cutting it though.

You better not lose your voice betch.

Maybe I should think of happy things, in hopes of creating a mental hug.

Happy things.....

1. One week from today I am seeing my idol Celine Dion in LAS VEGAS. Holla.
2a. It's Friday, which is like foreplay for the weekend - sometimes even more exciting just anticipating the time off and knowing it is all ahead of you.
2b. It's BEER Friday at work, which means I might start happy hour a little early at the office.
3. The Chick-fi-A issue has simmered down and I don't have to feel like I am making some kind of political statement by craving waffle fries.
4.  It is only one hour until lunch time and I have three different kinds of cheese in my lunch box (wedge, string, slice). Cheese makes things really much better.

I'm creepy.

5. Babies. Babies are really happy. Even the ones that looks like little aliens. I just want to keep a baby in my pocket to hug on cue.
5b. I'm not having a baby. Always a good day when you wake up and you know you're not with child. (Let's not confuse pocket for womb).
6. It is Weston's birthday this week. I'm glad he was born. 
6b. Because that means I get to eat cake - as if I don't do that all the time working at an agency where it seems someone is born practically every day of the week and designers by day are master chefs at night whipping up homemade frosted fluffy desserts and then forcing me (by simply asking nicely) to eat a big honkin slice. Cake is happy.

Marry me.

7. I am going to happy hour tonight with my other boyfriend Louie, as in Bar Louie. Pretty obviously happy about that.
8. I pooped this morning.I googled to see if there is a statistical correlation. Then I felt weird for googling poop facts at work. Then I cleared my cache.
9. My workout for the day is over, which will probably just be cancelled out by all the cheese. Whatever, white girl problems. 
10. The book under my computer holding it up so I am not the hunchback all day is called "The Happiness Advantage." I mean, I haven't actually read it... maybe I should read an excerpt... eh, Veto.

Well that helped a little. Thanks internet. You're a true friend.

I'm basically an Olympic athlete.

As you all know, I love to eat. A lot. Particularly cheese. Therefore, in an effort to not blow up like a hippo (and not be constipated for the rest of my life) I must work out, and I have to do so in the mornings so that I don't miss happy hour after work - obviously.

With that being said, since starting my new job, I have had to completely up-route my gym routine from my beloved Maryland Farms YMCA amongst the rich soccer mom's and retirees of Brentwood, to the Downtown YMCA, amongst people I don't know, who are ripped and intimidating. TRAUMATIC CHANGE PEOPLE. It has been quite an adjustment, and I have been mentally pro / conning the experience in my head for the past three weeks. Some days I feel like I am cheating on my "first love" with a downtown rebel that excites me. Some days I want nothing more then to enter the oasis of the white plantation-house-looking country-club-style comfort zone and friendship of Maryland farms.

Time to make it real folks, and break this down for you:

Legend: 
MF = Maryland Farms
DT = Downtown
YMCA = Duh

MF YMCA things I miss: 
1. My locker room friends, especially my 75 year old Korean bff, Sunny who was there with me every single morning and cared more about my life than my mom does. That lady is an angel. Dear Sunny - I love you and your miraculously wrinkle-free face and sometimes hard to understand chatter. You are home to me.
2. The most amazing advanced sculpt class on Wed and Fri's at 7am with my Brazilian Goddess of an instructor (I think she was Brazilian - basically what I am getting at here is my fitness routine was a dose of diversity every morning and I liked it).
3. The balanced water pressure in the showers. Nothing like it.
4. The accessible, available and free parking.
5. The extended cable channels on the cardio machines - all the way up through Bravo so I could catch up on Real Housewives. 

MF YMCA things I don't miss:
1. Running into the CEO of my company every morning. It's not personal, but any gym run-in with the boss-man pre-6am is awkward.
2. That sculpt class was a love / hate, so this is the part where I admit, it's been a nice departure from the Brazilian intensity.
3. Having to grab a towel as you walk in the building and carry it around with you all morning because there is no access to them in the locker room. If you strip down in habit, and suddenly realize you forgot a towel - you have to re-clothe, or decide to flash the world and air-dry.
4. Having to always drive by the open "only for senior citizens and mommy's " parking spots just because I wasn't special enough to be with-child or old.
5. Smelling the in-house Subway bread baking in the morning while I am trying to work out. Rude. Bake that crap somewhere else.

DT YMCA things I love:
1. The cardio machines overlook the Nashville skyline. Endorphins skyrocket as my workout playlist (featuring songs from High School Musical) blares in my ears and I overlook my city with pride.
2. They keep the towels in the locker-room - novel idea, eh?
3. They have foaming body wash that rocks. It's really foamy.
4. They have closed door, spacious changing rooms, that are never full. I can spread out my stuff, not be in anyone's way, and not flash the world while changing (not. pretty).
5. They do have some different and challenging group exercise classes like ultimate cardio and awesome abs that have changed up and invigorated my routine.

DT YMCA things I don't love - at all: 
1. When the sun is rising over the Nashville skyline in the mornings, the cardio machine becomes a blinding, hot, torture chamber.
2. The towels may be in the locker room, but they are paper thin and super scratchy, which probably explains why they don't hoard them like precious gold or care if people steal them. I prefer to exfoliate with a lofa in the privacy of my personal shower - not with my towel in a public space. But, it beats air-drying.
3. They do not provide any lotion, shampoo, or other items I sometimes forget, causing me to ask complete strangers for reinforcements, which only further reminds me I have no locker room friends. SLASH - the water pressure is violent and blows the shampoo out of my hair before it even has time to penetrate. I end up peaking my head outside of the shower to lather the soap. I'm THAT girl.
4.  The parking situation sucks and I got a ticket for being literally 12 minutes over the meter last week. Let's discuss this in greater detail - It was  8:12am and I see this flashing cart up ahead, too close to my Bella for comfort. I break out into a Rocky-style run, flailing my arms - "WAAAIIITTTT.... I'M RIIIGHTTT HERE!!!" and she has the audacity to say "Its already written honey, can't do a thing about it."  And hands me the scribbled ticket
Dear Parking Lady: DON'T "HONEY" ME WHEN YOU HAVE CRAPPY NEWS BEOTCH.
(You can pay an extra 8 bucks a month for parking on top of the membership fee, but I refuse when I am going to live super close in no time, and might even just walk there in the mornings... maybe.. maybe not. I am still debating the decision). 
5. The classes that have been "invigorating" my routine start at 6:15am, when I am barely functioning. Dear Instructor: I will do 25 burpies, when you start having classes at 7am. I'm about to burpie (aka throw up) on your face.

Happy exercising-so-you-can-binge-eat-and-feel-justified / poop, friends!