Snow globe turned snowball of bull crap

2014 is here! Despite the fact I am bursting with excitement from all the blessings in my life, it is hard to ignore some stark realities I don't particularly enjoy about the start of a new year. The first being - the entire month of January.

I have always found the first four weeks that greet us (smack us in the face) once we turn the page to a new year to be a bit unsatisfactory (utterly awful and depressing). All the things we put off in December while in a magical coma of awesome, such as saving money, eating greens, working out, being a productive member of society, etc., all come back around like a boomerang of bull crap. Suddenly "I'll worry about that later - sing me a carol and pass me the CHEESE" becomes "Wait a minute. Later is NOW. Shit!" (or in my case, lack thereof.. if ya know what I mean).

We are back at work being forced to use our brain, back in the gym cursing the Christmas cookies we justified eating dozens of (each day) and counting down to MLK day if you're lucky enough to get it off. We are thinking up resolutions and trying to be "better people" by sticking to them (and loathing ourselves when we fail).

FYI: This is what you get when you Google frozen bull crap.

But wait! There's more - let's roll the bull crap in gray skies and dip it in a high of 7 degrees. Where the F do we live?! Dear Mother Nature - get a map. Then look at TN. We live in the South, thank you very much. THE SOUTH where people stock up on bread because of a low of 35 degrees and a 2% chance of really cold rain. Take that down a few more notches and madness ensues - we're talking panic in the milk aisle and chatter about building safe rooms. So please, take your sub-zero temperatures and stick them back up your hoohah.

To top this off, my frozen bull crap is missing my man who is oversees in Germany for the entire month throwing me for a cultural loop. To be a team player I googled "how to say 'welcome to Germany' in German" and I guess Willkommen in Deutschland is the winner. I have to say it looks a little like "douches-land" at first glance but I think we can overlook that for now. Also - for a minute I thought google didn't understand me because I figured Germany would be Germany in all languages. Mind. Blown. Let's overlook that too for the sake of my reputation of having a functioning brain.

My saving grace. Or as he would say: mi gracia salvadora

But don't worry my friends. We will get through this together thanks to two words: JUAN. PABLO. The Bachelor starts tonight and naturally my sub-zero heart is thawing simply at the thought (and the accent). Plus, only four weeks separate us from February - which understandably has its own issues but at least by then we've stopped worrying about being "better people" and are focused way more on preparing our systems for the justifiable wine and chocolate onslaught of Valentine's Day.  (Let's get real, whether you are single or in love, wine and chocolate overdose is a must). 

And once we have made it through these next four weeks, we will all be rewarded with a trip to the most magical place on earth - a whole week in Disney World! And by "we" I mean "me and my sister" but don't worry - my posts will make you feel like you were along for the ride.

So let's grab January by the frozen bull crap balls and show it who is BOSS. We can do this! Just put down the cheese, change your Pandora station from Celine Christmas back to Michael Buble (with a mix of Garth Brooks and the Goo Goo Dolls), turn on The Bachelor and hold your head up high.

(And if you sneak yourself a piece of cheese to brighten your day, just remember - no one has to know and pooping is over-rated).