The Fish Stick Finale

So long Fish Stick. So long.

Well this season of The Fish Stick is finally coming to a close, and to say I am relieved is an understatement. To be honest, when I first wrote on here about my thoughts, it was merely some random rantings, but now my blog has become consumed with these character's lives, and I know you are all just dying to here more about my real life instead... :) And I am dying to not have to think of clever things to say about this season - probably the worst in all of Bachelor history.

Where to begin? Let's start with the cheesy voice-over shots they used to introduce the episode. Lindzi - now that is a coat. Glad she traded the cardigan. Courtney comforting a stray cat in the road while reminiscing about her journey? Not convincing. And I can hear the producers now, saying, "Okay Ben, now walk out and overlook the mountains pensively as if you have a decision to make even though you really already know exactly what you're going to do and have since the day you skinny-dipped."

And then mom and sister, Julia arrive to this alternate universe of staged conversations and producer-baited questions. I laughed when they panned over to Ben sitting by the fire in his log cabin, as the women knocked on the door - as if that is what he would typically be doing.

Lindzi meets the family:

• Mom: "We are here for you Ben." Well you and the free vacation to the Swiss Alps.
• Julia's hair was definitely channeling the longer version of the greasy middle part frizz Ben sports.
• I'm sorry to break this to you Ben, but Lindzi doesn't light up the room - her spray tan does.
• And somehow Julia just intuitively knew to ask about a woman the rest didn't get along with? Okay, Miss Cleo. Sure.
• Lindzi: "I'm a little different - I arrived on a horse. Limos just aren't for me." Apparently forks aren't for Lindzi either as she continued to drop her silverware 15 times.
• Lindzi, news flash. You love talking to Ben not because it's Ben but because you love talking, which works well since fish stick is not who you'd consider a conversationalist.
• I just get this feeling that Julia wants on this show real kinds of bad. I feel like she was campaigning to be the next Bachelorette.
• Julia: Lindzi, let's not talk about you - let's talk about the other girl. Tell me more about her!
• Julia is wearing a poncho.

Courtney meets the family:

• Julia is already threatened by Courtney - a model for a sister-in-law? No Julia. A potential uni-brow for a sister-in-law.
• Julia is wearing a beret.
• Courtney upon seeing Ben (in a baby voice) "You're nervous? Why, because you like me a little bit? I will be on my best behavior." Ew. To the whole thing. Just ew.
• Courtney's defense to mom and Julia's initial questioning is to say that this is a "competition." Points for you Court! That is what every mom wants to hear about the love a woman feels for her son.
• After Courtney won the family over, Julia said, "I will never know what happened, but I believe Courtney." Correction: you will watch 8 episodes of what happened sister. 8 weeks of bat shit crazy.

Last date with Lindzi:

• What is up with the constant straddle hug? Can you hug with your feet on the ground just once?
• Fish stick in a horse and carriage... not working. 
• In the gondola - Lindzi: "How about this picnic?" Which really means, we have nothing better to talk about other than this moment and when that gets boring, let's talk some more about my walls and how vulnerable I am.
• Ben: "I look for that thing that keeps me going?" What is he talking about? I don't think he even knows. Actually he does. That "thing" that keeps him going would be baby talk and sledding, which you are not doing on your date today, Lindz.
• I am thinking Ben didn't want to wear a helmet and potentially mess up his hair.
• Lindzi: "I am 200% vulnerable. You think I have been more open? I am so vulnerable right now, right? I have never been so vulnerable." Has this chick ever heard of a thesaurus?
• Lindzi: "I love you."  Ben: "That's good." [blank stare]
• Ben: "Thank you for opening up and getting to the point I thought you could get to. It took you much more time, but I am glad you did." It has been 8 weeks Benji-freak. 8. Weeks.
• Lindzi: "This is scary and so tough. But I like it. I am confident, but freaked out." Someone give this girl a sedative before she girls herself a heart attack.

Last date with Courtney:

• Courtney: "Ben has a lot of depth. And I never saw that side of Lindzi." - but you tried to be nice to all of the girls right?
• In the helicopter I can just hear the producers feeding a geography lesson to him through his head phones. "On the other side of this mountain, is uh... It... oh right...Italy"
• Courtney: "I don't regret anything." Let's keep this statement in mind when we watch After the Final Rose friends.
• The baby talk and the sledding. As mentioned - this is what apparently keeps fish stick "going" whatever that means.
• Ben keeps talking about this big decision? What decision. Fish Stick knew from the moment she got naked on the beach.
• Courtney upstaged Lindzi by giving Ben a gift and reading a letter to him in what sounded to me like a snoody and almost defensive tone. It was like Marilyn Manson singing a Disney song.
• Ben to Courtney after receiving her gift: "Talk about being vulnerable!" No Ben, that is Lindzi's job.
• Ben's logic: Let's propose to a woman I have known for 8 weeks and already there have been many "times I don't understand her, and times that she frustrates me." but because mom and Julia approve after meeting her for three hours I have a sense of clarity. What planet is this?

Lindzi's Departure:

• I love the cape Lindzi is wearing.Very Narnia.
• Lindzi arrived to the podium and immediately starts rambling. Girlfriend. Stop. Talking. This is Ben's time.
• She knew it was a no-go the minute he said "uh..." And I could just see the walls - literally see them - come flying up and the "vulnerable" take off running.
• Ben: "I am in love with you and I have great moments with you, but I need those moments to last a lifetime and I found that with someone else. I am in love with someone else." That about wraps up the sensibility behind this entire season in one sentence and Lindzi is speechless for the first time on the entire show.
• Ben: "I'm still shaking" - oh yeah Ben, let's make this about YOU and YOUR feelings. You just told her you loved her, and still broke her heart, and now you are asking for comfort?
• Lindzi: "I blame myself for not giving you what you needed." Basically you didn't give him your cha cha, and you should be proud of that. You will be glad in the long run.
• And then she pulled a "Jamie" - Lindzi: "If it doesn't work out, call me!"
• Overall, Lindzi held it together so well. I was really proud of her actually. My heart broke for her when she said she just wants to go home now. Poor thing, but much better off.

Hug it out now while you can still stand each other.

Courtney "Winning"

• The gloves - interesting slightly evil-looking touch. Appropriate.
• Ben said he had experiences with her that show him real signs of what life could be like. Yes Ben, sledding, and drinking, and helicoptering. These truly are real life things. The other real life things you should expect in your future - back-stabbing, name-calling and not forgiving. Excellent choice.
• Courtney's first words were "I love it"(meaning the ring) and not "I love you"
• Oh my dad?! would be in order. Enough said. Cheese just squirted out of the mountains. Typically this would make me happy. Not today.
• Courtney's classic final words: "You are stuck with me!"

And they lived happily ever after? Not so much. 

Contemplating what the word "together" really means.

The theme for After the Final Rose was pure confusion. The question "are you together" was asked every five minutes and every time the answer was different. The only time I even really cared was when everything got turned on Ben for taking some space to think things through for a time during the airing, which he called his "coping mechanism." They were painting it like he abandoned her and she already has trust issues and yadda yadda. Listen, Courtney's "coping mechanism" during the whole show was to be a heinous bitch. If you ask me, Ben's approach is much more normal. And as for the rumors he cheated, that he swears are untrue - I hope they aren't. Because let's face it, Courtney is insecure which is the root of her weirdness and defensiveness. We don't need to enhance that anymore than it already is.

I wish Lindzi had been on the show to voice her thoughts since her exit was very abrupt and silent (which was shocking coming from our friend chatter box). I am sure after all of this she is glad to have gotten out of that situation without all of this drama now following Courtney and Ben. And I am sure the public support and 15 minutes of fame is easing her pain just fine.

Chris, as usual, asked some great questions in his warm and caring way. The only thing that annoyed me was the fact they handled this as if every Bachelor couple has ended up happy and every ATFR show had been euphoric rainbows and gum drops until Courtney dropped in. Do you not remember Jason dumping Melissa and then picking Molly? Or Emily and Brad ripping into each other? And let's NOT remember Vienna and Jake. Wow. I forgot all about Jake. His season was pretty bad too.. he makes fish stick look like prince charming.

That's all from me. I am tired. I hope you have enjoyed the Fish Stick chronicles. 
Until Emily's season it is back to me and my reality. I know you are thrilled...

For more Bachelor Blogs visit the following:
Week 1: Not a Fish Stick Fan
Week 2: Fish Stick in the Jungle
Week 3: Weekend Samples Platter with a Side of Fish Stick
Week 4: Fish Stick Meets the Parents
Week 5: Fish Stick in the Swiss Alps