It's not always easy being a girl.

The good old days of theater (and a 17-year-old metabolism)

I am a girl's girl through and through. I could pretend I follow sports or know how to fix a flat tire. I could tell you I love to camp, fish and watch Family Guy. I could claim that in high school I was the cat's meow. But these things would be a lie. (And that girl probably wouldn't say things like "cat's meow").

I love getting dolled up. I have every season of Dawson's Creek on DVD. I swoon at babies even if they are strangers. I am happiest when in Disney World. I could read celebrity gossip for a living. In high school I was too busy plotting my takeover of the spring musical lead to learn how to successfully flirt with boys. I simply couldn't survive without the women in my life, my gay husband Ike, chocolate, wine, cheese or Celine Dion (whose album comes out TODAY and will be reviewed in full for tomorrows' post). These things make me 100% (weird) girl. And most of the time, I am 100% okay with that.

But sometimes I wish I was a dude. And here are the top ten reasons why, in no particular order:

LUCKY BETCH

1. No shave November: I want a socially acceptable excuse to not shave my legs for a month. Meanwhile you guys get to be lazy and claim it shows your commitment to sports or a good cause... whatever.

2. No "time of the month": Why do you think I need so much chocolate, wine, cheese and The Power of Love?! WHY?! Because my body hates me two weeks out of every month - that is HALF THE YEAR simply so our gender can give birth to YOU.

3. No reason to fear abduction: Walking anywhere alone after dusk is a no no just because I have a who-hah. Even with another girl, I have to clutch my pepper spray, put my "F OFF" face on, and channel my inner Xena Warrior Princess. And it now gets dark at 4:30 p.m. Great.

4. No waiting in line at the bathroom [and no need to sit down to pee]: In addition to efficiency, you have a sanitary advantage every time.

My own personal hell.

5. No per-conditioned disdain towards cats: They are not representative of your status in life and love. 

6. No pressure to suck in, all the time: Having a beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.

7.  No pressure to freeze your eggs... because you don't have any: You guys can decide to settle down whenever suits you, and marry a young thing who can pop out your babies on command.

8. No need to interrogate car mechanics: They are likely telling you the truth.

9. No pressure to make your Halloween costume "sexy": This passed season I stumbled across a Halloween costume called "slutty bacon" - what?! You guys get to just be bacon. Plain old bacon.

10. And let's just say what we're all thinking - No need for foreplay.

Must be nice, gentlemen. It must be nice.