'Tis the Season to Sample

Let's start our Monday morning in a magical banquet hall sprinkled
with over 270 merchants spreading Christmas cheer for 25,000 shoppers of all ages. Picture your Christmas Pinterest board come to life (with a much higher price tag). Imagine hand-made
ornaments, beautifully decorated trees, flowers, jewelry, frames, eclectic clothes and a parade of strollers pushing toddlers dressed as Santa's little helper. And then picture the best part of all - free samples of decadent dips, sauces, cheeses, baked goods, chocolates, fudge, soups, and seasonings.

Whoops, that is a dog. Not an adopted child.

[If you're picturing your own personal hell, I would like for you to read the part about the FREE SAMPLES, stop being a Grinch and reconsider].

You are now in the shopper's snow globe called Christmas Village, an event held right here at the TN State Fair Grounds. It is the annual kick-off to my Must-Do Nashville Christmas List and this year, I was lucky to be accompanied by three perfect partners in shopping and sample crime.

Undercover sample whores

During our experience we learned a lot about the effective navigation of the village. Since I know you are all chomping at the bit to go next year, I thought I would share our insights in a little list I'd like to call:

How to Conquer The Christmas Village (without being kicked out for hoarding samples):

PANIC

1. As you arrive there is a steep hill that leads to the parking booth. While waiting in line on this hill, make sure your car is not in any version of reverse. In fact, just put the emergency break on to avoid the moment of panic that ensues when the driver looks back to have a conversation with you and the car starts rolling backward down the hill. Luckily, we were able to halt the vehicle before our trip to Christmas village became a trip to the Autozone.

FOOD SAMPLES

2. Make sure to eat a light lunch before arriving to avoid trampling toddlers to get to the free food samples. Booths with free things happen to be the busiest at the event and being hangry does not lend itself to spreading Christmas cheer.

3. Warm up your vocal chords and assign acappella parts with those accompanying you. Strangely there is no music at this event - perhaps they are worried about over-stimulation. Naturally, I had wished my caroling repertoire was ready.

I can totally make this... right?

4. Bring a credit card. Or if you're cheap like us, bust out your iPhone to take pictures of everything you like to plot a cheaper way to make it at home yourself. And don't be too obvious that your budget was tapped out by the entry ticket. Merchants can get a little betchy when you sample and run.

We survived Christmas Village!

There you are Mary!

5.  Have a buddy system, wear matching T-shirts or determine a unique duck call to keep up with those you brought. If you have a small child, I would say it is appropriate to use a leash at this event without judgement. It is a true maze of merchants and getting lost is just as certain as finding me at the sample booth.

I know what you're thinking - DAMN IT - I missed out on the best Saturday afternoon activity ever! You would be correct. Luckily there is always next year!