1 + 1 = COFFEE

Magic

The other day, my friend asked me how to ask this girl out. He is a logical guy with a graduate degree and works at one of the best hospitals in town, but somehow our generation of dating has stumped him, and quite honestly, I'm not surprised.
We have completely complicated this thing called "dating" and now it has become one or a bizarre combination of the following:

• The hook-up - You're hot, I'm hot. Let's hook up (hopefully with protection), and if that's fun and we can stand each other, we'll be exclusive (hopefully not because we need to add "girlfriend" to the title "baby mama"). 
• The internet - The previous scenario doesn't sound emotionally sound, so instead I'm going to

  

  Good times....

  pay for a website matchmaking service. But which service? And what do I put on my profile? And do I really have time to email-small-talk with a complete stranger who may not actually look anything like their pictures or have the confidence they portray from behind a screen? Oh! And how will I find time to keep up in addition to my real job and real life outside of this eharm-match-mingle-cupid-hot-not alternate universe?
• The swipe - We have discussed this. Same as above but just an app that is free so the crop of candidates may not be nearly as invested in finding a real connection, so then it becomes The Hook Up - And now, we have come full circle.

I have no judgement on any of these scenarios - love is a battlefield, so power to however you find it.  But this is just the cluster we are now dealing with as single people. No one knows what is best practice anymore. BUT that doesn't mean we have to revert to being Peter and Wendy.

There is this novel concept we have forgotten and we are going to revisit it together. Instead of pining from afar, or texting / emailing back and forth for weeks creating an illusion of a connection that might not actually be there in real life, follow this three-step process. And nowadays, it is not gender specific - yes, gals - go for the gold.

[Disclaimer - all of these steps should be attempted in a normal public place or through a phone call / text / email with the mindset of "don't be wasted or creepy" while executing]

Look at how much fun they're having! This could be you.

1. Identify the person you would like to get to know in real life. [Note - text is not real life you guys. It's just not.].

2. Start with "hello" "hi" or some version of an introductory word that does not start with "yo" "what up" or "insert cliche pick-up line here" 

3. Then say the following words - "Would you like to grab a coffee with me some time?"

One of the following two things will happen - they will say "yes" or they will say "no thanks" and there might be an awkward moment.

BUT guess what? Either way, YOU WILL SURVIVE.  Rejection is not really that bad. We have all been there  -  I once thought it was a good idea to literally run after a guy as he was exiting the Panera after staring at him from behind my bread bowl for twenty minutes only to find out in the parking lot that he was very likely batting for the other team. Guess what? I'm still breathing. I still have air in the lungs. Life did go on.

If this is you, it's okay. You will survive.

But if the person says yes - you're golden, because coffee, my friends, is a beautiful thing. Here is why:

• It is cheap for you guys worrying about paying the big bucks for a chick you might not be digging after the first ten minutes
• If the person shows up and they do not look or act as you envisioned they would while tinkering witty comments into your cellphone, it has no timetable so you're not stuck
• There is no waiter or waitress interruptions or commentary on the very evident first date dynamic happening between you
• There is no potential for food stuck in the teeth
• It is portable so if it is going well you can take it to a park or for a walk
• Or if it is going bad you can dump it in the trash can and run
• You can get it on ice if you are someone who sweats a lot when nervous
• And if you don't like coffee, at most American coffee places you can typically find a mocha or a tea- so that is not an excuse. Hell, drink hot water for all I care.

VETO. This is crap. Get off your butt and get coffee.

The bottom line is - coffee is the best kind of liquid courage because it takes actual COURAGE, character and confidence to not hide behind your phone, a screen or three tequila shots and actually get real with another human being. If it feels like an interview, it may not be the right person, so you move on. If it's a blast and you find yourself wishing you had an accompanying strudel, jackpot!

YES - C-O-F-F-E-E - get on board, PEOPLE! 

It's not just for waking up - it might actually be the catalyst to making real human contact and in turn, waking up next to someone you actually enjoy spending time with.