The Selfie Manual

Both hands visible = not a selfie = acceptable

There is a lot of controversy over the selfie. Oftentimes, people are ridiculed for posting a selfie. But I have witnessed (in rare occasions) a successful selfie. Yes my friends, some that I was even compelled to "like." I have had much trial and error trying to hit the selfie-sweet spot, but after a recent panic post that I deleted five minutes later, I decided there should be some kind of selfie manual in place.

So I created one.

Before posting or sending out a self-administered picture of your face in any public form, please answer the following questions to determine whether or not you are sharing a nugget of awesome or rather indulging in your own narcissism. 

WHAT NOT TO DO - ABORT. ABORT. ABORT. 

If you answer yes to one of the following - ABORT the post immediately:  

1. Can we see the camera / iPhone in the mirror?
2. Are you in the car?
3. Do you feel the need to use commentary or a hashtag to acknowledge the selfie-nature of the photo / are you going to be embarrassed if no one likes your #shamlessselfie?
4. Do you have a tripod and a friend?
5. Are you at the gym?
6. Are you in bed?
7. Are you just bored?
8. Are you making a weird face that no one else will understand or think is cute?
9. Do you dislike being made fun of behind your back?
10. Are planning to run for President or any other publically esteemed role in society?

Quiz: Is this in the SSZ? NO. ABORT.

Reminder - if you answered YES to even ONE of these questions, ABORT THE MISSION. If you are still unsure, proceed to the next section:

Qualifications for the Selfie-safe-zone:
 1.  Is there an adorable animal in your picture? (it just happens to be a coincidence that you look adorable too)
2.  Is there something super relevant in the background that you must capture to prove you were physically there?
3. Is there a precious baby / small child who can't operate a camera in the picture with you? 
4. Do you look absolutely ridiculous OR are you holding up a piece of cheese, glass of wine, or picture of Celine Dion?
5. Is there absolutely no one in the whole wide world around to take the photo for you?

Unless you are sending the picture to blood relative who loves you unconditionally and will not judge you, you should meet at least one of the first four conditions and ALWAYS condition #5.

In the event you would like some SSZ examples - please see below: 

Just ridiculous

Proof I was peeing in The Fray's tour bus

   

Pretend the monkey is alive....

Real life Snoop Dog

Sweet baby Port

But don't worry, I'm watching him. 

[Disclaimer - the collage above was composed mostly of photos never shared on social media, but instead sent to my sister because she misses me a lot and requests frequent pictures of my face.... BUT REALLY.... And remember this is a place of no judgement. Thank you in advance for your grace and understanding].

[Secondary disclaimer - that is the most you will ever see pictures of me in a blog post ever again. The incessant use of my own face was merely to act as a guide to better your personal selfie experience. So, you're welcome.]